Why Mints are Bossy — Part Three

      This is the last part of my story “Why Mints are Bossy” that I wrote for my IEW class. Enjoy! :)

Part one, and part two.

Why Mints are Bossy

      He made an adorable purring sound of satisfaction. Then Minty jumped around AJ, commanding, “Up! Up! Up on your feet, girl!” When she did as he had demanded, he nudged against her heels, urging her forward.

      AJ stumbled forward, guided by the forceful pressure of Minty leaning against her heels.

      He steered her behind the chair he had hidden under, where a large population of dinner mints were mingling. They were all different shades of pastel: pale yellow, green, the occasional white one, and light pink mints, like Minty was himself.

      When the mints saw AJ, a dreadful human towering over them, they began to scream. Running around in frenzied circles, shrieking their heads off, sobbing, “We’re all going to die!”

      If you look up the word “chaos,” or “panic,” you will likely find an image of this wild scene.

      “Calm down!” bellowed Minty, jumping up onto AJ’s foot so the mints could see him. “Calm down. The human is under control. I repeat, the human is under control.”

      Gradually, the mints stopped squealing in fear and gathered around Minty and the strange human. She was a curious sight, they thought, with all that dark hair of hers.

      Once Minty had everyone’s attention, he cleared his throat. “Elder Mints, if you would please conduct a trial? This human” — he spat the word, like it left a bad taste in his mouth — “is charged with murdering many of our own friends and family! I myself was almost crushed between her nasty teeth.”

      Gasps of horror rippled through the crowd of nervous mints. “No!” one shouted. “The human must not be allowed to get away with this horrific crime!” The mint turned to the Elders. “Start the trial!”

      The Elder Mints, the wisest of the sugary species, placed powdered white wigs on their heads. “Hear ye, hear ye!” one of them rasped, a wrinkly green Elder named Edgar. His voice was dry and flat, as thin as a faint breeze. “The trial is underway.”

      Adjusting his lopsided wig, a white mint by the name of Marlin asked, “What do you have to say for yourself, human? You have committed a ghastly crime. Surely murder is frowned upon in human society?”

      “I have a name,” the girl snapped disrespectfully. “It’s AJ. And, no, humans don’t smile when someone is murdered. Look, mints, I didn’t know you were alive, OK? If I had, I wouldn’t have eaten you.”

      “But you did eat us!” wailed a mint from the crowd.

      AJ curled her hands in fists.

      Minty scrambled down AJ’s foot and bowed to the Elders. “May I speak, wise Elder Mints?”

      A nod.

      “Not only has this girl — OJ, was it? — murdered mints, but she has kidnapped them as well. I was plucked from my home one day and shoved into a box that was filled with my kin. She put a lid on the box . . . we were starving, suffocating . . . Eventually, she took the lid off, and we thought we were going to be free. But then she reached in, and with her fat human fingers, extracted a handful of mints! I could hear them screaming as she raised them to her mouth. And then . . .” Minty sighed dramatically. Everybody leaned in, horrified at Minty’s tale, yet also eager to learn what would happen next.

      “She ate them,” he finished darkly.

      The mints started booing, chucking tomatoes at AJ. They bounced harmlessly off her shins.

      “I watched them go,” Minty continued. “When there were only a few mints left in the box, she grabbed me, but I had a plan. I used the Ingenious Plan that I had plotted on the spur of the moment, and when she was distracted, I slipped from her deathly grip. I waited until the time was right before bringing the human in to face her doom.”

      The mass cheered, chanting, “Minty! Minty! Minty!”

      One of the Elders smacked a wooden hammer against the ground. “We have heard from both sides! Tell me, mints, who is guilty? Is it the human, AJ, a ruthless murderer and a kidnapper? Or is it Minty, escape artist extraordinaire, who has brought this villain to our home so that we may judge her?”

      “AJ!” the crowd called energetically. “The human is guilty! Boo!”

      The Elder Mints huddled together. “What say you, fellow Elders?” Edgar inquired.

      “We agree with the crowd!” they told Edgar in sync. “The human is guilty.”

      They broke up the huddle, and Marlin strode up to Minty and AJ. He held the wooden hammer aloft. “I shall bring this hammer of judgement down upon whoever is guilty!” he proclaimed theatrically.

      The crowd hushed, waiting in absolute silence.

      The Elder Mint brought the hammer down on AJ’s toe.

      The mints erupted into cheers, while AJ hopped up and down, holding her throbbing toe.

      “And now, for the sentence!” shouted Edgar. “AJ, human from the planet Earth, the Elder Mints of the great and powerful land of Behind-the-Chair hereby sentence you to serve the mints for the rest of your life, punishable by death!”

      And so AJ became the first person to ever suffer the fate of being enslaved forever to the mints. She served them faithfully (although there were plenty of complaints on her part) until she died of old person disease. In honor of their deceased slave, they all took up video gaming as a hobby. They also created National AJ Remembrance Day.

      If you have ever wondered why dinner mints always seem to be silently bossing you around, it is because they once had a human servant named AJ.


I hope you enjoyed reading my story!



25 thoughts on “Why Mints are Bossy — Part Three

  1. catlover02 says:

    That was a super funny ending. :P I loved the other parts, but I think this was the most hilarious one! I never knew mints were bossy… Then again, I’ve never eaten a dinner mint. :)


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