How to Be a Ninja

ninja-poster

I really like ninjas. Like, a lot. I love drawing them, writing about them, watching shows about them . . . In my book, ninjas are pretty much the epitome of cool.

Sadly, I cannot be a real ninja, as they aren’t really needed anymore. But who says I can’t pretend?

Follow these simple steps, and you will be well on your way to becoming a kick-butt ninja!

Step 1: Look Like a Ninja

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Stick with the classic ninja style: all-black clothes and a fabulous mask. A black leather catsuit is your best bet, but if that’s not available, leggings, socks, and a long sleeve shirt will work. Black fingerless gloves are a nice touch.

Don’t forget you mask! This handy infographic gives you step-by-step instructions:

 :

via

Step 2: Ninja Weapons

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What is a ninja without their wide range of weapons? Well, still pretty cool, but a full arsenal ups their awesome factor.

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Find a razor-sharp katana. Nerf swords work, too.

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Nunchucks. They are cool. A word of advice: don’t smack yourself in the head with them.

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Shurikens? I think yes! If these shooting stars of death are not willing to join your cause, little plates can easily be convinced.

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Chopsticks are absolutely necessary. They are helpful for grabbing people’s fingers and picking food off the buffet line. Get some.

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Fortune cookies. Ones infused with poison are best, but it doesn’t really matter — they’re so gross, they can kill someone without additional help.

Step 3: Sick Ninja Skills

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Ninjas should be able to take down an entire army with just their little toe. We’ll stick with the basics for now.

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Not sneaky.

Ninjas = sneaky. Cartwheels are sneaky. Do them.

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Punches, kicks, and karate chops are essential for your survival.

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Wicked flying kicks are effective, and look sweet at the same time.

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Learn to shimmy along thin tree branches. I’m sure it will save your life eventually.

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Scale trees and hide among their boughs.

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Ninjas can disappear without a trace. I’ll tell you how to do it. First, pick an object to hide behind (I am using a tree). How does it feel to be a simple tree? Focus on these feelings, and then . . .

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BAM!

You will become the tree. When you wish to emerge from hiding, remember how cool it is to be a ninja, and you will return to your kick-butt self.

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You must master the ninja run! Lean forward, let your arms trail out behind you, and sprint with all the swiftness of a cheetah.

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Ninjas use their surroundings! Say you are trapped on the top floor of an apartment. The only way to escape is through the window, but you are ten stories above ground. Bury your common sense deep inside of you, crash through the window, and grab onto a conveniently placed clothesline. Swing to victory.

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Do the Spiderman pose. But since you are a ninja, you look even cooler than our favorite web-slinging hero.

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Ambush your enemies by popping out from unexpected places!

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Sometimes, you may be stuck in the wilderness for days on end. Learn to scavenge for food and water.

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Obtain your meals by any means necessary.

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Ninja model.

You have now completed your training. Go out into the world and be absolutely awesome, little ninja.

Loren

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