// friends can break your heart, too //

it has been years

so why haven’t i let go 

of the past

of you

of us

it has been years

and seeing you still hurts

why didn’t you say hello 

ever again?

why do i still have hope?

it is killing me

i want to forget

teach me how

it was so easy for you


i’ve been thinking a lot about all the people that have left. and how every single time, it has been my fault. why wasn’t i more interesting? why wasn’t i good enough? why is it so hard for me to communicate? maybe they would have stayed if i weren’t so very me. what is so wrong with me that everyone leaves?

i was awake at three a.m. with all of my thoughts, and i wrote a poem for the first person who broke my heart. her name is lauren and she was my best friend, the first friend i ever made. i have lots to say about her, but that will be saved for another post. i’ll sort through all my memories of the two of us, even though they feel like thorny vines growing over my heart, and whip up something nostalgic.

so there you have it. my first attempt at poetry in a long while (and a hint of the pain that i’ve been ignoring for years. i think it’s time for me to address it.). i’ve written a few more poems since then, and i think they’re much better than this one. but i still felt like this was important, even if it’s not very good.

xo

loren

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37 thoughts on “// friends can break your heart, too //

  1. Rutvi says:

    Hey, I’m really sorry about Lauren. You’re an amazingly talented person, and I’m sure it wasn’t your fault. I happen to think you’re a very interesting person. :)

    …WE ALWAYS SAY THAT WE’LL KEEP IN TOUCH

    Like

  2. SimplyGone says:

    I will never leave you and there is nothing wrong with you. Nothing. It’s something wrong with them. They leave because they can’t handle being friends with someone so amazing. I love you so so much and I will never leave you. I’m always here for you i promise. (Your poetry is amazing btw)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. vidur sahdev says:

    People leave….because its their time to go, not because you wushed it so. Those that come in, when they do, will bring you the realisations of why those who left had already played their roles.

    Like

  4. Anika Joy says:

    Amazing poem!!! I’m very sorry about Lauren. No matter what you’ll always be good enough. Whatever drew you guys apart was not your fault. Anyone leaving is never your fault, no matter what you feel. I’ll always be here to talk, too. I love how amazing you are Loren, and I encourage you to keep inspiring the world no matter how you feel. 💕

    Like

  5. Nabila says:

    Ok, that was amazing. People will come and go but you should never ever believe it is your fault. It is their fault for stop being friends with the wonderful you. You should do more poetry, you’re really good at it!

    Like

  6. Danielle says:

    This is beautiful, Loren. I am feeling my best friend slip away from me every year we spend away from each other. She is coming to visit today, and I hope we can mend our friendship.
    Sometimes friendships can hurt as much as they heal.

    Like

  7. izzy/mason says:

    i’m always awake at 3 a.m. with my bipolar youre not alone there.
    i used to have a friend, her name was melanie, and she was my best friend in second grade (before i became trans) and then we both got bullied so she “gave up” on me. i cried for a solid two hours after school that day xD

    Like

  8. mckenna says:

    broken hearts.

    you’re not alone in this, Loren. just recently, a really important person in my life left and it still kills me.
    and i know that situations like this can make you feel like you’re not good enough for people. because i feel the same way.

    but..it’s not your fault. i think these things happen for a reason. every person that is put into our stories is put there purposely, and the same goes for when they’re taken out.

    and i hate it. because it hurts so bad when people leave. and it can tear you apart.

    but i’ve also realized that often when someone really important leaves, another arrives.

    i don’t know if that person has already been written into your story, but i know they will be if they haven’t yet.

    so for now, focus on the good thoughts and what is yet to come.

    you’re amazing, and you are worth it :))

    ☾☼

    xenoloser

    Like

    • loren ☾ litost says:

      i’m really sorry about your friend. i know how much it hurts, like there’s something missing and that part of you will never feel whole again. but, “time can never break your heart, but it’ll take the pain away.”

      about a year after lauren left, i met kelsie. and i think she’s the really important person who was written into my story.

      thank you so much, this really means a lot to me.

      xo loren

      Liked by 2 people

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