// even when your hope is gone, move along //

this kind of pain is like riding a bicycle

you have to

keep going

keep going

just to keep the bike upright

you move along so you don’t wobble

so you don’t hit the ground

and get bruised knees

i have to

keep going

keep going

because if i start to slow down

all the cruel whispers will come out

to fill the empty air

the air that is vacant of

busyness

friends

responsibilities

things to keep me distracted

if i don’t keep moving

my thoughts will make me stumble

and i will hit the ground

and get a bruised heart

so

keep going

keep going

*

(in addition)

*

i am so weary of riding my bike

i ache all over

when do i get a rest?

i want to crash into a tree

lying on the asphalt with a spinning head

the only thing i see is the sky

how very far away it is

from rock bottom

i am bleeding but i barely notice

are there any band-aids?

you can cover my wounds with them and put a kiss on top

but the blood is seeping through

and we are out of bandages

 that’s fine

because they’ll turn into scabs eventually, right?

it just takes time

(i am so sick of waiting)

 i will pick at them and make them bleed again

digging up old problems

i just can’t let go

these will take forever to heal

and when they do, they will leave a scar behind

they make sure not to let me forget

how you yelled at me to keep biking

when i had no strength to continue on

so

thanks for nothing


hey, so i wrote more depressing poetry. it’s kind of fun, actually, and relaxing — spilling my guts onto a page at 3 a.m. and then sharing it with strangers online. because you all care so deeply about what goes on in my head, right? (sarcasm.)

this poem is about melancholy and people who don’t understand it. the people who know sadness, but not sadness. the people who don’t believe that you’re actually hurting, or who think that your pain isn’t important because others have it worse.

my poetry kind of sucks, i know. but i feel like it’s important, i guess? not to anyone reading this, of course. because these are just messy words from a messy mind. but it’s important to me, because my abditory, the world i’ve made inside myself, is built out of poetry and snatches of songs and foggy forests and the sound of rain against my window. even though my words won’t have much meaning to you, they mean everything to me. i need to collect them and use them to patch up the walls of my little world, so that it’s always a safe place to hide in when reality gets too sharp.

xo

loren

Advertisements

26 thoughts on “// even when your hope is gone, move along //

  1. Allison says:

    AHA, I told you you would be good at poetry! XD But seriously, this is really good, Loren! And sad… but really good! :) I loved the metaphor.

    Like

  2. Kathleen @dollsanddance says:

    You are really good, Loren. I mean that in all seriousness. I hope you keep posting your poetry. It’s so interesting to read.

    Also, “the only thing i see is the sky” reminded me of For Forever from DEH. :P

    Kathleen

    Like

  3. Danielle says:

    I’m promise to not tell you to you to keep going, but I can’t promise that I won’t tell you to try.
    So please, try your hardest at everything, and if you fall, try to get back up.

    ~Danielle

    Liked by 1 person

  4. RubySky says:

    Gorgeous writing, absolutely gorgeous, my friend. Make sure that you look around, there are far more of us riding and falling than you first believed.

    Like

  5. Rutvi says:

    I love this so much, I can’t even tell you. There are people who tell me it’ll be alright, just wait and see… but, like you, I’m tired of that.
    Anyway.
    I love poetry, and you’re really good at it. :) Sometimes I’m not even sad, but I’ll start writing and my poems become sad. But that’s alright, it’s what I like about poetry. I love the metaphor you came up with and the whole poem is just so beautiful and true.
    & for the record…I care. And it’s hard because I’m an online friend, but if you need me, you know how to get to me. I’ll listen to you, because I imagine you as one of my own irl best friends. You were the reason I started blogging and I’m so grateful I met you online. It’s a bit painful to know you’re hurting- I don’t want you to be upset- but I truly admire how you can express that so beautifully.
    I love you-and your blog-so much. Remember that. :)

    Liked by 1 person

    • loren ☾ litost says:

      i wish you couldn’t relate to this, but it’s honestly kind of nice to know that i’m not the only person who feels this way.

      thank you so much, rutvi. i know i can talk to you, and that’s comforting. and i’m here if you need me, you know.

      i think of you as one of my best friends, too. :) it would be so much more fun if i could see you irl, but this will have to do for now. i’m so glad that you started blogging, and it’s kind of insane to know how many people i’ve inspired to put their thoughts online.

      xo loren

      Liked by 1 person

      • Rutvi says:

        (=
        Yeah, thank you. I’ll keep that in mind. i know, it would be pretty awesome if we could meet. I should put “meeting loren” on my Christmas wishlist.
        It is. You’re so inspiring. I only hope I can do that for someone someday :)

        Liked by 1 person

  6. olivehiddenhollow says:

    I just want to say
    that it will be ok
    someday
    i know you said you’re tired
    of hearing people say
    ‘it will be ok’
    ok
    I try to understand
    but from where I stand
    i really don’t
    ok
    but I’m still gonna say
    it will be ok
    someday
    if not in a month
    if not in a year
    it will be ok
    in heaven one day
    someday

    He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.
    Revelation 21:4

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Samantha says:

    Loren, I need to admit something…
    I used to think that when people posted sad things on the internet, that they weren’t feeling what they were writing. I though they just decided to write something depressing and post it on the web. I thought that those words were just words, not emotions.
    I was wrong.
    You and a few other people have made me realize that these words aren’t words, they’re real feelings. Thanks.
    I don’t know whether or not you’re feeling ok, but just know that you’re in my prayers.
    ~Sam <3

    Like

What's on your mind?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s