// life, i guess //

// inspired by the lovely rutvi //

– i’m making an effort to write in my journal again. i’m usually too tired to write anything by the time i get into bed, but my insomnia has been getting really bad lately, which gives me plenty of time to work on it.

– i got a tooth pulled and the entire left side of my face was numb. i couldn’t feel my ear. i even slapped myself a few times and couldn’t feel anything. the numbness didn’t go away for over six hours.

– we played kahoot in math class and my nickname was “jazz band jazz” (deh reference), and someone else was “ya like jazz? 🐝” so it worked out pretty well.

– i get really bad anxiety about posting things on instagram, but i recently managed to share this picture of my neighbor’s dog, ruby. is it dumb that i’m proud of that?

– i have a “folder of shame” on my ipod where i write down dumb things that i’ve said/heard. here’s what i have so far:

“i like school because people are forced to hang out with me.” -a kid in my spanish class

“everyone has pet names for their nipples.” -my brother

“i don’t have a favorite student. i dislike all of you equally.” -my spanish teacher

“my hair is as kinky as you are.” -me, to my brother

“pal is too intimate of a term.” -also me

– i’ve reached 17k on my novel! my mc, taz, is currently attempting to rescue keirnan from what is possibly a cult. idk, i’m making it up as i go. i’m just really glad that i’ve been writing throughout december, because i usually take a “break” after nano, which means never touching my project again.

– i got some new art supplies!! they’re staedtler marker pens and they’re so so nice. i’ve been on a drawing kick because of them. and the cool thing is that i got them for free, because my mom has a $100 gift card to an art store as a thank you for teaching classes at co-op for over a decade.

 

– why can’t group chats ever be normal?

– my friend q from co-op has been texting me “stranger things?” every hour. i’ve been ignoring him for a week. but i might have to see him soon and it’s going to be really awkward, because how do i explain that i like him well enough but i really don’t want to talk to him? help.

– i had to take a math test today, and i’m 90% sure that i failed. which sucks a lot because i just got my grade up to a b and now it’s going to be ruined. :’)

xo

loren

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// the christmas tag //

hey, guys!

i saw this on tabi’s blog, and i wasn’t tagged, but i’m doing it anyway. because why not? i love christmas and want some of those good old holiday vibes on here.

let’s get into it. :)

rules

– thank the person that nominated you with a link to their blog
– add the picture in your blog (the red one above)
– copy these rules into your post
– add a link to the original post (littlediyprojects.wordpress.com/thechristmastag)
– answer the ten questions (you can add extra christmas-related questions if you want)
– tag at least three other bloggers with links to their blogs
– have fun!

questions

1) what’s your favorite thing about christmas?

this is going to sound selfish, but the presents. my love language is gifts, so receiving things makes me feel appreciated, and giving them is how i show others that they’re special to me. i also like driving around after dark and looking at all the lights and decorations.

2) what’s your favorite christmas memory?

spending the entirety of last year’s family christmas party hiding in the bathroom with a plate of dessert, of course.

i’m kidding, that kind of sucked. maybe exploring downtown with my friends and getting free cookies and cocoa at all the shops. or the time we got my brother a gift card for minecraft pc and put it in this freaking enormous box. but it managed to slip under a flap at the bottom, so when he opened it, he thought we hadn’t gotten him anything. that was fun.

3) are there special traditions your family has for christmas?

– for the past two years, we’ve gone to see the new star wars movie at this fancy theater that serves you dinner while you watch.

– we always have fruit salad and french toast for christmas breakfast.

– my brother and i go to our grandparent’s house to make giant gingerbread bears or houses.

4) what’s your christmas wish? (can be personal or general)

i’d just like to be happy on christmas day so i can enjoy it. my family gets frustrated with me if i’m sad around holidays and i don’t want to bring them all down this year.

5) what’s your favorite christmas dish?

i guess candy canes probably don’t count as a dish, but i’m going with that anyway.

6) what’s your favorite christmas decoration?

definitely the lights!! i have a strand of pink ones somewhere that are absolutely gorgeous.

7) what’s your favorite christmas song?

carol of the bells. it’s a little bit eerie, in my opinion, and i love it for that.

8) where do you usually celebrate christmas?

we spend christmas eve with my dad’s side of the family for dinner, and christmas day at home. then we celebrate with my mom’s side after the holiday, when we go to my grandma’s house or to my uncle’s place in another state.

9) what does the “christmas spirit” mean to you?

to quote the song i won’t be home for christmas // blink-182: “it’s time to be nice to the people you can’t stand all year.” 

10) who out of anybody in the world would you want to spend your christmas with?

my pal n. he’s one of my best friends, but i never get to see him anymore.

i’m terrible at tagging people, so if you want to do it, go ahead.


there are going to be a few more christmas/winter-themed posts before the month is up. i hope you guys don’t get too bored of holiday posts.

my friend izzy is taking me shopping today, so i can pick out my own present. i’m hoping to find some fall out boy or all time low cds, succulents, or more pins/patches for my jacket. i’ll show you what i get in my christmas haul post, whenever that is.

have a good day! :)

xo

loren

// christmas playlist + memes //

hello, friends! christmas always sneaks up on me, and this year is no exception. it’s in sixteen days and i’m not feeling very festive, and i haven’t finished shopping for gifts, either. i know what i’m getting everyone, but apparently you need money to buy stuff? who knew. luckily for me, i just got $50 from my grandpa, so that should help.

(also!! it’s snowing right now!! i’ll try to share photos of it and some more christmas-themed posts over the next two weeks.)

i’m a bit sick of traditional christmas carols, so i made a playlist for myself of (mostly) pop punk holiday songs. ones in bold are explicit. enjoy. :)

christmas playlist:

humbug // owl city

kiss me babe, it’s christmas time // owl city

all i want for christmas is you (cover) // my chemical romance

fool’s holiday // all time low

christmas lights (cover) // yellowcard

ho ho hopefully // the maine

peppermint winter // owl city

christmas on the road // sleeping with sirens

oh ms believer // twenty one pilots

the christmas song // owl city

smile at snow // dodie

white christmas (cover) // panic! at the disco

what’s this? (cover) // fall out boy

xmas time of year // green day

christmas collection album // sleeping at last

west coast christmas // anarbor

mini anti-christmas playlist:

xmas sux // frank iero and the patience

merry christmas, kiss my a** // all time low

i won’t be home for christmas // blink-182

yule shoot your eyes out // fall out boy


my friend b came over last month and helped decorate the christmas tree. neither of us can keep our hands off the camera, which means we got a lot of crappy pictures of each other. she suggested that we make memes out of the photos, which was a lot more fun than it should have been. so here are a few really awful christmas memes for your enjoyment (we made more, but they used pictures of me, so i guess you don’t get to see those).

meme4yes, they’re horrible, we know.

merry christmas!!

xo

loren

// november memoir //

Edit Post ‹ let's be lost — WordPress.com - Mozilla Firefox 1262017 23727 PM

documenting a month through poems and journal snippets and song lyrics so it doesn’t get lost in the gray fog that is my life.


i. i have a loft bed. when the lights are out and i’m climbing the ladder, the bunched up blankets take the form of someone curled up under the covers. a monster, something that looks like me, has stolen my spot.

but then i think, perhaps i’m the monster and the girl in the bed is the real loren. i’ve always been sure that i’m the human one, but maybe there’s no way to know.

there’s never anything in the bed, of course.

ii. don’t depend on me to ever follow through on anything, but i’d go through hell for you. (going away to college // blink-182)

iii. there is a boy that i’m very fond of. he goes to a church close to my house and sometimes my mom will take me to see him after the service. i haven’t gone in over a month, i guess, even though being near him is all i want.

i have a reason. i was upset at myself, and i thought the best punishment was to stay away from him. and i was right, of course. nothing hurts more than having a chance to see him and saying no. and he won’t read this, but i’m sorry. i’m so, so sorry.

iv. you were the last good thing about this part of town. (grand theft autumn/where is your boy // fall out boy)

v. i keep having to stop and think about how familiar everything feels. i think it’s the sweatshirts and autumn air and shoes against pavement and the loneliness.

vi. think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts. ((headfirst for halos // my chemical romance)

vii. i don’t really talk to myself anymore. i talk to you, in my head. you never answer, of course. so in that way, it’s not very different from talking to you when you’re next to me.

viii. i need you to believe me, can you trust me, that what you see is not what i see? the reflection in the mirror’s telling lies. cause nothing you have done could change how much i love you. (invisible // disciple)

ix. i am too quiet. i am too sad. i am too slow. i am too small. i am too difficult. i am too little or i am too much. i am never enough; i am never just right.

x. if you died i’d hope you’d haunt me, cause you know i’d miss you bad. (i’ll always be around // waterparks)

xi. i am tired and i don’t want to go to school tomorrow and i don’t want to keep thinking about you, but i know i’m going to anyway. i am so tired. i want to cry but there’s nothing there.

xii. shatter your skull, fight pain with more pain. forget who you are, unburden your load. forget in six weeks you’ll be back on the road. (freeze your brain // heathers)

xiii. please don’t leave me completely. you know that would shatter me and all my hopes for the future. i would miss you forever, even if you don’t miss me.

xiv. allow me to exaggerate a memory or two, where summers lasted longer than, well, longer than we do. when nothing really mattered except for me to be with you. but in time we forgot and we all grew. (folkin’ around // panic! at the disco)

xv. this season has been ruined for me. everything that happened in these colder months a year ago are still haunting me. i catch myself staring at calendars and remembering how each day felt like the worst one i had ever survived.

xvi. when you go, just know that i will remember you. if living was the hardest part, we’ll then one day be together. and in the end we’ll fall apart, just like the leaves change in colors. and then i will be with you, i will be there one last time. (it’s not a fashion statement, it’s a deathwish // my chemical romance)

xvii. i read a book where two best friends ran away together. they stayed in a crappy hotel by the ocean and drank and planned their future, listening to the sighing of the waves drifting in through the window. they slept side by side, dreaming together, content with their nearness. i cried for hours after i read it because that is all i want for you and me, and even something so simple is out of reach for us.

xo

loren

// gem museum //

hey, guys! i hope your day is going well.

for science class, my friend izzy and i visited a local mineral museum. it’s part of a college, so it’s not very big, but i was still quite impressed. i took a few pictures of the gems and wanted to share them with you.

here’s the museum itself.

i’ve always had a thing for gems and smooth stones. not as much the stylized ones that are used in jewelry, but raw ones, or polished ones that fit perfectly in the dip of your palm. it amazes me that such complex shapes and gorgeous colors are being created under our feet.

i’ve found quartz in my garden, and it always excites me that they were growing in the dirt along with my plants.

stone roses.

these look like dragon eggs or jawbreakers. i know that they’re rocks and that they’ll shatter my teeth if i try to eat them, but i kind of want to try one anyway.

they’re just so pretty?? help.

this one looks like someone painted it with watercolors.

there was a display under ultraviolet lights, so the rocks, which looked normal in regular lighting, glowed neon colors. :D

i saw some really awful geology jokes on the internet, and i thought you guys should suffer with me, so here you go.

q: what do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?
a: SWAG

q: anyone know a joke about sodium?
a: na

q: what do you do with a dead chemical?
a: you barium
(and then cry because this reminds you of my chemical romance.)

i feel like such a nerd.

have a good day, my friends! you look great and you are loved.

xo

loren

// music recommendations //

hey.

i’m sure you all know that i love music. i listen to lots of different artists and i wanted to share some recommendations. maybe you guys will get into new bands after reading this.

for every artist, i’m going to talk about the kind of music they make/why i like them, and then in parentheses are some of my favorite songs (ones in bold are explicit).

there’s going to be a part two sometime soon, hopefully.


all time low – all of the songs have a summery vibe to them, even the sadder ones. they make relatable songs about being young and lonely and in love. it’s perfect for road trips or to just distract yourself from life. they’re one of the first bands i got into and they’ll always be special to me. (something’s gotta give, the edge of tonight, weightless, backseat serenade, if these sheets were the states, a daydream away)

beartooth – this band is one of the heaviest ones i listen to, i think (which isn’t very impressive, honestly). it’s fast and loud and aggressive (pun pun pun), and exactly what you need when you’re upset and misunderstood and you need to be angry. it’s good to listen to if you’re in a bad place, because it’s both sad and inspiring. (beaten in lips, sick and disgusting, me in my own head, loser)

be more chill (musical) – as some of you may know, i am quickly becoming musical theatre trash (thanks, kathleen). it’s mostly about anxiety, i guess, and how the main character, jeremy, goes to insane lengths to be cool and accepted. some of the songs have a robotic vibe to them, idk how to explain it very well. but it’s a great musical and if you’re into theatre, i’d suggest checking it out. (two-player game, michael in the bathroom, the pitiful children, voices in my head)

blink-182 – these guys are classic punk rock, aka teen angst personified. some of the songs are funny, some are sad, some make you want to fight. if you don’t mind slightly offensive lyrics, you’ll definitely find one that fits you. (i miss you, ghost on the dance floor, after midnight, the rock show, adam’s song, aliens exist)

bring me the horizon – the earlier albums are kind of heavy, but sempiternal and that’s the spirit are easier to listen to, in my opinon. the lyrics are depressing and bitter and desperate, but sometimes that’s exactly what you need, you know? (drown, avalanche, follow you, throne, happy song)

dear evan hansen (musical) – this is the first musical i listened to, so of course it means a lot to me. it also breaks my heart every time i listen to or even think about it. it deals with depression and social anxiety so well without romanticizing them. i love the characters and soundtrack with everything that i am, and i think everyone should listen to it, whether they’re into musicals or not. (waving through a window, only us, good for you, words fail)

dodie – she’s only got eps so far, and they’re soft and sunshiny. you can hear her accent when she sings, and that makes me quite happy. idk, her songs just hit that spot in your heart that hurts because of love and friendships that didn’t work out. she’s got a lot of songs on youtube, which makes up for not having any actual albums yet. (you, when, secret for the mad, one for the road)

fall out boy – where do i even start with this band? they’ve got the best lyrics, the kind that you want to get tattooed. they change their sound a lot, but i love all of it. i’ve been listening to them for a couple years and i haven’t gotten tired of it yet, and i doubt i ever will. (last of the real ones, sophomore slump or comeback of the year, the (shipped) gold standard, the kids aren’t alright, young volcanoes, save rock and roll, bang the doldrums)

frank iero and the patience – frank iero was part of my chemical romance, which sets the bar for his music pretty high. but i actually like some of his stuff more than mcr’s (although nothing will ever replace them for me). it’s still pretty emo. the lyrics are personal and honest and a lot of them hit me right in the stomach. (viva indifferencei’m a mess, miss me, joyriding, remedy, oceans)

green day – i saw this tumblr post that pretty much sums up the band:

i’ve got nothing else to add.  (missing yougood riddance (time of your life)lazy bones, whatsername, troublemaker, fell for you, x-kid)

heathers (musical) – dang dang diggity dang-a-dang, what to say about heathers? it’s about murder and slushies and more murder!! it’s very good, trust me. it’s entertaining and morbid  and jd’s metaphor in freeze your brain messed me up. :’) (candy store, freeze your brain, shine a light (reprise), meant to be yours, dead girl walking (reprise))  


clearly, i’m very into punk rock. if you don’t like that genre, then too bad. (although idk how anyone could really despise punk rock.)

try to pick one band/singer i mentioned, listen to a few of their songs, and then comment what you think. you might find your next favorite artist. who knows.

(i won nanowrimo yesterday. yay, me.)

have a good day!! :)

xo

loren