// i’m not okay (i promise) //

i just don’t wanna be

so many things

and now that i see

i just wanna sing

i just wanna breathe

i just wanna fly

i just wanna close m y  e y e s

and take in the sun

and take in the air

i just wanna run

and murder my care

i wanna believe that i will be free  e l s e w h e r e

time to say goodbye // twenty one pilots (cover)

it rained and rained and rained yesterday. i rather like when it rains, though. it means i’m not crying alone.

i’d like to try writing poetry. i keep reading poems online, and they give me such a calm feeling, and it amazes me how even a short poem can stir up so many emotions. i don’t really know how to go about writing poetry, as the only ones i’ve ever written have been along the lines of, “if it can fly, it should die.” any tips would be greatly appreciated. it doesn’t matter how simple you think the tip is. i’m quite clueless and would like all the help i can get.

xo

loren

p.s. this is my 300th post. that’s kind of cool, i guess.

// sketchbook #3 //

flowers from a patch of wildflowers in our garden (i’ll post pictures of that soon), and the lyrics of would you be so kind by dodie. my hand hurt a lot by the time i finished this.

i drew this one right after i heard the song drugs & candy, from all time low’s new album.

lyrics from last young renegade by all time low, plus a weird bullet journal sort of thing.

“alternatives to self-harm: snap a rubber band on your arm. hold an ice cube. draw on yourself. make a playlist. tear up paper. break sticks. paint your arms red. take a hot shower. youtube funny videos. hug a pillow. call a friend. write out the lyrics of a favorite song. play with something squishy. go for a run. google ‘the butterfly project.’ pull weeds. say ‘this feeling will pass.'”

lyrics from kids in the dark by all time low, and a list of alternatives for anyone who needs it. :) (can you tell i really like all time low?)

 

i can’t draw eyes or eyelashes, but . . . i made this thing! it was rather fun! i used lyrics from when the day met the night by panic! at the disco. (although it should have been “all was golden when the day met the night” — “in the sky” wasn’t supposed to be there, but oh well.)

“it feels like it should still be that day in seventh grade when i realized you mean the world to me. nothing feels real without you. i forget how to breathe from time to time when you’re next to me, and it helps me to understand that i am alive. how do you make my heart beat so quickly, when i don’t want it to beat at all? // june 8th, 2017”

???

i used watercolor.

cute girl with weirdly long arms + lyrics from ultralife by oh wonder.

 idk what this is. i just slapped some flowers on the page and doodled around them.

in case you can’t tell, i like using song lyrics in my art. when i don’t know what to draw, i’ll put my music on shuffle, pick a lyric i like from the first song that comes on, and base my art off that. it’s a pretty good to way to fend off artist’s block.

xo

loren

// how to make a flower crown //

i posted some pictures of my friends with flower crowns about two months ago (read it here), and a lot of you didn’t know how to make them. flower crowns are a gift to this world and you all deserve to learn how to create your own, so here’s a little tutorial. :)

first, of course, you need to pick flowers. the best ones for making flower crowns with are dandelions or clover, because their stems won’t break as easily. most flowers will work, though. i chose california poppies.

start by taking one flower and using your fingernail to make a hole in the stem.

how far up the stem you make the hole will change the appearance of the flower crown. if the holes are near the top,  the blooms will be closer together, making the crown look fuller. but that method uses up more flowers. if they’re near the bottom, the flower crown will look more loose and relaxed. it will look pretty either way, so it’s really up to how you want it to look, and how many flowers you have.

take a second flower and put its stem through the hole in the first flower. make a hole in the stem of the second flower, and thread a third one through it.

keep going until the chain of flowers is long enough to wrap around your head.

for the last flower, choose one with a long stem. add it to the chain, just like you did with all the other ones. then find the first flower you put on and poke another hole in its stem. slip the last flower through the hole, joining the ends of the chain.

move on to the second flower that you added. make another hole in its stem and tuck the stem of the last flower through it. keep going down the chain, weaving the last flower through the other ones, until the stem runs out.

now it’s finished.

wear that flower crown and be the lovely queen that you are. :)

stay strong through your pain
grow flowers from it
you have helped me
grow flowers out of mine so
bloom beautifully
dangerously
loudly
bloom softly
however you need
just bloom

– to the reader

(milk and honey by rupi kaur)

xo

loren

// i don’t like thursdays //

« post idea from izzy’s rad blog »

songs in bold are explicit.

roger rabbit // sleeping with sirens

me in my own head // beartooth

down // blink-182

missing you // green day

avalanche // bring me the horizon

fourth of july // fall out boy

hard times // paramore

coconut coconut sharks in the water // twenty one pilots

yes, i really did put that last one on there. and there’s nothing you can do about it, no matter how angry you are at me. that song is so underappreciated.

 600 followers?? wow, you guys actually like me, you’re so precious. i feel like a proud mother duck with a couple hundred cute duckling babies following me about. you guys are my adorable children and i must protect you.

whenever i try to type “frank iero,” his last name autocorrects to “jerk,” and i die a little bit every time, because HOW PERFECT.

my family is going on vacation to the beach sometime this summer. we’ll be there for a week, at a place with a gentle drop off and a cute beach house and vibrant sunsets, and i’ve got to say . . . i’m not looking forward to it at all. i would do absolutely anything to get out of going. the ocean is lovely enough, but i don’t do well with heat, and i don’t like bathing suits, and i have this newfound slight fear of large bodies of water. although i do love smelling like the sea and the kinky way my hair dries and when a huge wave slams me against the bottom. still, the thought of going makes me feel a bit sick. i just hope some miraculous way for me to get out of this pops up soon.

den mother said something that i thought was rather nice, so i decided to put it on here. “a colorblind person sees no color on the bee, but we all insist it’s yellow and black. they think we are simply making up an unfathomable concept of color. you’re blind to your own beauty, and even though we all insist it’s there, you don’t believe us because you can’t see it yourself. just as that colorblind person must trust the concept of color, you must trust your own beauty.”

 

Jack barakat snapchat

i probably could have used one of his “inspiring quotes” as the caption for this, but the only one i can remember is “sometimes you gotta look yourself in the mirror and say ‘you are the prettiest princess in all the land.’ i do it once a week.” and i’m not sure how well that will go over with you guys.

x

i got a new plant yesterday. :D he’s the weird orange thing in first picture. go stare at him, he is beautiful. i named him barakat, after jack barakat, the guitarist from the band all time low. he’s the dude in the photo above. hopefully i won’t accidentally kill my lovely new plant friend, but we’ll see. i nearly killed my baby plants from this post, and they’re cacti, so they’re supposed to be quite easy to take care of. things do not look good for barakat.

i’ll be going to public school part time next year. that’s a thing. i’ll be taking one class a day, i believe, but one day it will be spanish, and the next day it will be math. and to see which math class i’ll be taking, i’m going to have to go to the school sometime next week and take a test. that might not seem like a big deal to most of you, but since i’ve been homeschooled my whole life, i don’t have that much experience with important tests. i’m not that good at math, and tests really stress me out (i’ve been known to completely break down while taking them), so my chances of passing and getting into the class my mom wants are quite low. i might just fail on purpose, who knows. i’ll never be good enough for my parents anyway, so why even try? my brother is brilliant, he gets all a’s and got awards in multiple classes. i’ll never be that good, so my parents will never have a reason to be proud of me.

i’ll always be a disappointment. i can’t change.

xo

loren

// longwood gardens //

hello, my dears! i hope all is well. if not, chin up. you’ll get through this.

so, here are the pictures i took at longwood gardens while i was in pennsylvania. i took a few more that i pulled out of this post to be used for various aesthetic things, but i suppose you’ll see those in time.

purple rose-looking thing that is not actually a rose.

featuring my mum’s hat.

her hair is dyed with the blood of her victims, that’s why it’s so red. (she’s actually a natural redhead, but i think murdering people and using their blood is more fitting.)

THAT FRICKEN CURLED PETAL. I’M SO ANGRY.

i don’t actually know what half of these plants are, but WHATEVER.

i’m just going to say that these things are hawaiian flowers.

nevermind, i just remembered that they’re hibiscuses. i think.

my mum being a model in the jungle room.

longwood gardens is probably one of the coolest places i’ve ever been. i love flowers, so it was quite easy for me to enjoy the bright blossoms all over the place. but i’m sure that even someone who doesn’t particularly like flowers would think that the conservatory is amazing. there were little fountains and pools, and pineapple and banana plants, and cacti and roses and tons of other incredible stuff, but i don’t want to completely ruin the experience for any of you that might go there someday.

i hope you all enjoyed my slightly boring flower pictures. :)

xo

loren

// ❀❀❀ //

there’s a lovely bush covered with hot pink flowers that is currently blooming in the front yard. i took these pictures a few days ago after a rainstorm.

spring isn’t too bad. there are flowers and soccer and it’s not freezing and it rains for days on end. my friends complain about the rain, but i rather like it. i like falling asleep with a storm serenading me through the window. it’s raining at the moment, and i guess i could say that it’s actually making me happy? that’s rare.

i’m reading a book called the screaming staircase, by jonathan stroud. it’s part of the lockwood & co. series. it’s about an infestation of ghosts in london. the main character is part of a small agency that gets rid of the spirits by destroying their “source” — something that their soul is closely bound up with, which allows them to appear in the living world. it’s quite good, although i made the mistake of reading it at two a.m. that glow next to my desk is definitely otherworldly residue left by a ghost.

xo

loren

p.s. mckenna/xenoloser just started a blog called alternate galaxy  (which  makes me look at my blog’s name and wonder why the heck i picked something as bad as “let’s be lost”). she’s a really amazing girl, so you should definitely go check that out.