// it’s called ukulele screamo and it’s art //

because you’re clearly not a real twenty one pilots fan until you post pictures of your ukulele on your blog.

and, yes, i did pick wildflowers and cover the ukulele with them just for these photos.

i can’t even play the ukulele. yet. i’m trying to figure it out, but i’m not very good at playing instruments. i get frustrated too easily. but i’m going to try to learn it over the summer, since i don’t have much else to do. i want to be able to play the only exception by paramore, stomache tied in knots by sleeping with sirens, and can’t help falling in love (a song that has grown to mean the world to me. thanks, n.).

i’ve been playing it for a little bit each day, and my fingers already hurt like heck. i don’t know how people who play string instruments exist. they have too much endurance for one person. i know that i’ll get calluses on my fingertips if i play enough, but it hurts right now and i am in so much pain. (i’m being a little bit dramatic, but that’s just how i keep my life from being incredibly boring. also, i’ve been in one play and two musicals, so that gives me the right to be dramatic, yeah? i’m being sarcastic, by the way.)

i’m just going to talk about my awful music teachers now.

mrs. t

so. i always wanted to play the flute. and one year, my mom decided that my brother and i should learn to play an instrument, as part of our school. i, of course, chose flute, and my brother picked drums. we found an old homeschool mom who knew how to play pretty much every instrument invented, and we took lessons from her once a week. her name was mrs. t. this was a  m i s t a k e, let me tell you.

when we arrived at her house for the first time, her two sons were playing basketball in the driveway. there was a dilapidated playhouse which was being claimed by the wild. we went into her house, and there was this really distinct and overwhelming smell. it was kind of like homemade spaghetti sauce with way too many fresh herbs in it. mrs. t was a plump lady with white hair that looked like a bunch of cotton balls glued to her head, and she had this slightly evil, strained smile. the only good thing was that she had lots of cats, and they would walk into the room while i took my music lesson and lay on the sheet music.

my brother’s lesson was first, so my mom and i spread out a blanket in the shade and did school until it was my turn. it was nearly impossible to focus, though, because of the racket my brother was making. he was pretty awful, honestly — hesitant taps, unsteady rhythm, etc. the worst part was that he thought he was really good, because he finished his book of sheet music way before i finished mine. but he didn’t need to learn notes and fingering and how to breathe properly.

anyway, my first lesson was incredibly awkward. i barely talked at all, because i hated how her house smelled and i didn’t want to breathe it in if i could help it. well, breathing is kind of important when playing a wind instrument, i’m not sure if you guys knew that.

mrs. t spent the first lesson teaching me how to put the flute together, how to clean and hold it, and how to get a crisp sound to come out of it. the flute smelled like my grandma’s nasty little schnauzer dog, by the way.

i realized a few things after that first lesson: flute is a lot harder than it looks, i would never be able to eat homemade spaghetti sauce again, and i really did not like mrs. t.

my mom made us stick with our instruments of choice for a year. by the time i got to quit flute lessons, the most impressive thing i could play was two lines of camptown races. i was very happy to quit, and although i still have my flute, i have barely touched it since then.

mrs. u

the two other music teachers i can remember were both from my co-op: mrs. u and mrs. c. mrs. u wasn’t a bad teacher, just a little too enthusiastic. she directed the musical that our co-op performed every other year, and i got the main role the first year i was old enough to audition. i played zoe (originally zach), the star of the basketball team who twisted her ankle before the big game. i had a fair amount of lines (snarky responses to other characters), but i mostly just got to sit there and look annoyed while everyone sang at me (i remember mckenna dancing around with a bible and basically telling me to change my attitude). the only song i got to sing in was the last one, after i had had a change of heart or whatever, and to this day, i will start singing it whenever someone says “everyday.”

mrs. c

mrs. c was a different story, though. she wrote the musical herself, and i don’t want to say that it was bad, but . . . i could have written a much better one. pup was one of the main characters for that musical. i was only part of the first act, so the practices were really quite boring for me. the only good things about that musical were that i got to laugh a lot with q and n during the practices, even though we got in trouble for it a few times. i also got to see n in a lot of dark eyeliner, which still stands as one of the most amusing things i’ve ever witnessed. i have lots more to say about this . . . slightly lacking musical, but that would be enough for a whole other post. i could write that, if you guys would be interested.

so, that pretty much sums up my experience with music classes. for someone who listens to music so much, it’s probably a bit surprising that i can’t play anything very well. hopefully i can become a little more than “absolute trash, seriously, why are you even trying” when it comes to ukulele.

i want to know about your awful teachers, because i’m sort of a bad person, i guess. so go ahead and rant about them in the comments, i won’t mind. 

xo

loren

// i’m not okay (i promise) //

i just don’t wanna be

so many things

and now that i see

i just wanna sing

i just wanna breathe

i just wanna fly

i just wanna close m y  e y e s

and take in the sun

and take in the air

i just wanna run

and murder my care

i wanna believe that i will be free  e l s e w h e r e

time to say goodbye // twenty one pilots (cover)

it rained and rained and rained yesterday. i rather like when it rains, though. it means i’m not crying alone.

i’d like to try writing poetry. i keep reading poems online, and they give me such a calm feeling, and it amazes me how even a short poem can stir up so many emotions. i don’t really know how to go about writing poetry, as the only ones i’ve ever written have been along the lines of, “if it can fly, it should die.” any tips would be greatly appreciated. it doesn’t matter how simple you think the tip is. i’m quite clueless and would like all the help i can get.

xo

loren

p.s. this is my 300th post. that’s kind of cool, i guess.

// songs for when you want to give up //

songs in bold are explicit.

friend, please // twenty one pilots

the light behind your eyes // my chemical romance

believe // yellowcard

throne // bring me the horizon

johnny boy // twenty one pilots

missing you // all time low

welcome to the black parade // my chemical romance

body bag // beartooth

truce // twenty one pilots

if i’m james dean, you’re audrey hepburn // sleeping with sirens

saturn // sleeping at last

time of dying // three days grace

the kill // thirty seconds to mars

guns for hands // twenty one pilots

famous last words // my chemical romance

cinderblock garden // all time low

lovely // twenty one pilots

save // tyler joseph

“i don’t want to do this anymore. i can’t do this anymore. i give up! i’m done fighting. please let me go. please.

i’m going to ask you to do something for me. think of someone who is important to you. could be a friend, a band member, someone you met online, even someone who you don’t know yet — like your future best friend or the person you’ll marry, if that’s something you want to do. now promise that person that you will stay alive for them.

you don’t want to disappoint that person, do you? so stay alive. keep fighting, no matter how hard it gets. someday, you will be glad that you didn’t give up. someday, you can tell that person that you are alive because of them.

please don’t give up.

i love you.

(is there a song that you think should be on this list? leave the name in the comments.)

xo

loren

My “Wreck This Journal”

I read Rutvi’s post about her Wreck This Journal, and I found it really neat to see how other people had interpreted the book’s sometimes vague instructions. I wanted to show you guys some of the pages from mine, so here I am.

(I’m not that good of an artist, so the pages aren’t all that pretty to look at. But I still wanted to share these pictures, though. Maybe this will make you more confident about your own artistic abilities.)

I saw this idea somewhere on the internet and did my best to recreate it.

Aliens, man.

I WANT TO BELIEVE.

I have this strange love for aliens and ghosts and other paranormal stuff. I want to do more drawings of aliens in the future, because spaceships and extraterrestrials and the universe are fun to draw. If I draw aliens again, they’ll look a bit different — these ones are a little too cutesy.

This page has been a lot of fun to do. I just picked flowers, pressed them, and used Mod Podge to attach them to the paper.

I don’t have a caption for this one.

I don’t even like cheeseburgers, but this was fun to draw. And eat.

I kind of messed up the first time I attempted this page, so I glued some paper over it and tried again. It’s the Twenty One Pilots logo. :)

Truce is such an important song to me.

We can pretend that my gross pink fingers are giant worms crawling through the dirt.

I located the only bottle of perfume in this house to use on this page. It smells kind of like vanilla.

I freaking love drawing space and planets, even if they don’t look very realistic. In real life, you can better see the different shades of blue and purple I used in this.

Those are most of the finished pages in my Wreck This Journal. I might post more pictures as I complete other pages.

Which page was your favorite? Let me know in the comments. :)

Stay safe, loves.

-Loren