// the last day //

yesterday was the last day of co-op. i’ve got a lot of feelings about this, so i’m putting them on the internet, to be read by people who don’t care.

i’ve been in this co-op since i was three. every friday for nearly my whole life, i would show up at the church and have classes with a bunch of other homeschool kids. now i’m too old for the co-op, and i’m never going to spend another friday with my classmates again.

there are a lot of things i’m not going to miss: waking up early, doing p.e. in the cold, getting hunger pains because i forgot breakfast, the overwhelming feeling of being with people for hours. but i am going to miss trading notes during class and laughing over dumb jokes and squeezing my friends into the car so we can hang out after co-op. and i’ll miss seeing those people every week. they’ve been part of my life for so long, and now they’re gone.

“you never know what you have until you lose it.”

i’m glad that the co-op decided to make yearbooks. i want to remember these people.

on the back: “you’re smart, funny, sweet, dear, amazing, cool, talented, kind, helpful, honest, ship crazy, and the best friend in the world. i love you so much and i never want to lose you. ♥ -kelsie ♥” (aka pup)

one of my teachers made us write our name on a piece of paper and pass it around the table. everyone had to write something nice on it. i’m a rather sentimental person, so believe me when i say that i am never getting rid of this paper.

i want to write a note to everyone who has been in my class — even the ones who are gone, but who i’ve never forgotten. i don’t forget people. and sometimes that hurts, because they forget me.

so, anyway. here i go.

dear d,

ew.

dear s,

thanks for introducing me to people when i was the new kid.

dear m,

remember that time you cracked your head against the wall and had to get stitches? the blood spots are still there. that’s your legacy.

dear j,

i never knew you very well. you were the smart girl with all the answers, and i was the quiet one who shook whenever the teacher asked me a question.

dear i,

i haven’t seen you in awhile. i don’t really expect to ever see you again. but we had a good couple of years.

dear s,

people still ship us. i’m not sure why, because i never even liked you. but i’ve been called loren breen many, many times.

dear h,

i kind of regret never getting to know you. all i really remember about you is that you liked horses, and you’re cousins with N, and you’re a good soccer player, and you look nice in lavender.

dear N,

i told you that i would fight the universe to be with you again. i’m always willing to fight, and this should actually be a challenge. but it will be worth it, in the end.

i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i’m sorry.

dear h,

you’re always going to be remembered by the video where t is humming uptown funk and you burst in with “sweet home alabama!”

dear t,

i tried to draw you in art class, and it ended up looking like troye sivan.

you’re a jerk, by the way. i’ve come very close to punching you on multiple occasions. it’s fine that you hate me, but you’ve got to stop making fun of the people that i love.

dear j,

idk. sorry for shipping you with h, i guess. i’m not sorry, actually, joward is my otp.

dear h,

you’re kind of a nerd, but i am, too, so it’s cool. you’re pretty popular with the mom crowd — my friends’ parents are always talking about how polite and smart and handsome you are.

p.s. joward ♥

dear m,

remember walking on the roofs? jumping down into the corn silo? the water gun fights?

you’re an amazing artist, photographer, and blogger, and you’ve inspired me to try to become better at those things.

dear t,

you seem to make k happy, so i guess you’re alright. but if you hurt her, i will end you. :)

dear q,

*batman voice* the dark dealer.

thanks for those lessons in video gaming, and the soccer game that was us vs everyone else — and we still managed to win. you’ve always kind of felt like a big brother, because you tease me a lot, but you’re still pretty nice to me.

dear b (den mother),

i think i could have helped you more if i had gotten over the fear of showing you how broken i am.

things will get better, my love. i promise.

dear k (pup),

sunshine girl. :D

 my favorite classes over ten years:

  • shakespeare
  • art
  • cultures
  • mini-society

random moments that have stuck with me:

  • getting first place at the gem fair
  • giving sour cream oreos to N
  • playing statue
  • finding a dead rabbit while running laps
  • when t asked who i liked
  • forming the cannibal murder club with q
  • getting the lead role in the musical
  • doing the great race with pup
  • the multiple pizza parties in public speaking class
  • teaching the class how to play “drug dealer”
  • “the murder of q king” skit
  • the pet mealworms
  • when j ate an entire pizza
  • making those huge, creepy skeletons in body class
  • delivering valentines in kindergarten
  • racing q in p.e.
  • improv
  • when q broke math
  • trading notebooks with pup, den mother, and izzy
  • watching N draw
  • the day we all wore flannel
  • the murder mystery
  • “take out the trash, pup.” “ok, where do you want to go?”
  • epic dodging skills in japanese dodgeball
  • when N got third in a dodgeball championship by using his jacket as a whip, and i got second

i could keep going, but this post is getting long enough already, and you guys are probably getting bored by my nostalgic lists.

if it weren’t for this co-op, i never would have met den mother, or pup, or megan, or N. so thank you for that, co-op.

thanks for the memories, even though they weren’t so great (thnks fr th mmrs // fall out boy).

xo

loren

// wanderlust //

i think everyone went through that phase as a kid where they wanted to run away. maybe you packed a bag and made it to the end of the road before you turned around. but the ones who don’t grow out of that — those are the kids with wanderlust. the ones who dream of traveling: breathing new air and touching new ground and seeing new faces.

someday, i am going to leave this suffocating town and see the world, either by myself or with one of my best friends (who we will be calling N for now). so here’s a list of a few places i’m going to visit.

Image result for greece tumblr

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greece. i’m not sure why, but i’ve always loved greece. the food, the history, the myths, and the beautiful sights in general fascinate me. i was allowed to pick a language to study in school, and i chose koine greek — a little dumb, considering no one speaks it anymore. but it’s rather fun to say that i know a dead language.

x

new zealand. ok, i have to admit that the main reason i want to go there is so i can visit the shire. i’m so short and chubby, people would probably think i actually belong there (i’ve been called a hobbit by several people. yeah, my friends are nice). my copy of the hobbit has been read so many times that the pages are falling out. :)

Desert View Watchtower, Grand Canyon

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the grand canyon. the colors remind me of N. and it’s kind of like a huge scar on the earth, which strikes me as pretty cool.

Rowena

x

oregon. i blame gravity falls for this one, honestly. i’ll definitely try to find the bill cipher statue. apparently, there are lots of forests in oregon, and i freaking love forests. they’re somehow peaceful and creepy at the same time.

 green house

x

thailand. sadly, i don’t know much about thailand, but it’s so beautiful and i want to try the food.

808sunkissed: “Cromwells ☀️🌊 ”

x

hawaii. i want to see volcanoes and palm trees and try malasadas! going there by myself sounds a bit sad for some reason, so i hope N is cool with going to hawaii with me. i’m going to make him wear a bunch of those pretty plumeria flowers in his hair. just a warning.

Odda, Norway

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norway. my feelings about norway: !!!!!!!!

 when i say i want to go everywhere, i mean it. if it exists, i want to explore that place. someday.

xo

loren

Can’t Fight Against the Youth

hello, my friends! i spent my saturday working on the rather disappointing drawing above, which was inspired by the song can’t fight against the youth by panic! at the disco.

if you can’t tell, it’s supposed to be graffiti — which is viewed by most as disrespectful and horrifying. why are you getting so worked up about some drawings on your boring buildings? it’s art.

you never hear about middle aged people spraying designs on walls. it’s always the youth. and no matter what you do, these kids are still going to be rebellious and daring and making choices their parents would never make. that’s how this works. can’t fight against the youth.

keep kicking. put up a good fight.

listen to the sound of your children revolting (beaten in lips // beartooth).

oh, and happy easter. have some chocolate.

xo

loren

Giveaway Winner // I Hope You’re Ready

i meant for this post to be up this morning, but i was hanging out with my friend izzy, and i’m just now finding time to write this. we went kayaking, made flower crowns, watched “moana,” went to dairy queen . . . i really love izzy.

anyway.

thank you for all the entries! i didn’t expect to get that many. you guys are amazing.

of course, there can only be one winner (though i would send prizes to all of you if i could). ready to find out who won the twelve pairs of earrings?

congratulations . . .

Hope!

she runs the lovely blog the nerd notebook — which you should definitely check out and follow.

so, my dear, i will be sending you an email tomorrow with details on how to claim your prize. if i don’t get a reply by midnight, april 15th, i will have to select a new winner.

did anyone catch how i used the winner’s name in the title? i think i’m clever.

please be safe, guys. i really love you and i’m glad you’re alive.

xo

loren

Giveaway Reminder

just so you know, today is the last day to enter my giveaway. the winner will receive twelve pairs of earrings. make sure to enter before midnight. and there’s still time to get extra entries. you can see all the details here.

that’s all I wanted to say, but i don’t want this post to be super short. so i’m going to write about whatever.

i thought kellin quinn (from the band sleeping with sirens) was a girl when i first heard him sing. he’s got a freaking amazing voice, though.

i was writing down the names of bands i want to listen to. it’s a rather long list. THERE’S JUST TOO MUCH GOOD MUSIC IN THIS WORLD.

it’s seventy-four degrees right now and i’m wearing all black: black skinny jeans, black hoodie, black fall out boy shirt. black is just a great color, you know? so comforting.

i made pasta today, and i somehow managed to cook the right amount! *throws confetti*

i think that’s all. thanks for reading this rather pointless post.

xo

loren

// redbud //

my pictures have all been blurry lately. i’m not sure what’s going on. maybe something is wrong with the camera. maybe i can’t stop shaking long enough to get a clear shot.

it’s finally spring. that means emerging buds and slight breezes and dandelions exploding from the ground like fireworks and the musky smell of the pear tree settling over the backyard.

the redbud tree is one of my favorite plants that has made its home here. it’s a pink eruption of delicate flowers amid the overwhelming green. the blossoms are edible; they’re tangy and sweet with a slight crunch. they taste like nostalgia.

xo

loren