// summer camp | pt. two //

hello, my friends!

the second part of my adventures at summer camp is here!! make sure to read part one here.

« day four | wednesday »

there was an enormous tulip-tree moth at the dining hall the next morning.

there were waterfront games that night. each campsite entered girls into the competitions, such as climbing the iceberg, relays, the rubber ducky race, swamping a canoe, etc. the only one i was in was the canoe swamp. all i had to do was sit in it, squished up against other girls, until the canoe got too heavy and filled with water.

newlon won the aquatic games. :D

for the search, survival, and rescue badge, we had to spend wednesday night sleeping in the woods in makeshift shelters. the one izzy and i made looked a bit like this, but shorter. so after the waterfront games, we changed into dry clothes and headed off to where we had built our shelters earlier that day. sleeping in the woods was a little bit awful and a little bit insanely exciting.

we took a night hike out to indian point, a peninsula in the lake. i laid in the dewy grass and watched the sky and the lights reflecting off the water while our leader talked about stars. then we went back to our shelters and started a tiny fire with flint and steel.

a normal exchange between izzy and loren that night:

me: you know those baby pictures, where you can see the baby’s feet, and the parents’ feet are on either side?

izzy: i guess.

me, patting a pack of uno cards on the ground between us: this is the baby.

izzy: stop being weird.

me: i’m not being weird!

alex, our leader, in the distance: shut up and go to sleep!

« day five | thursday »

the next morning, we tore down our shelters and went back to the newlon campsite as soon as it was light. most of us went directly to the showers. and that, my friends, was the last shower i had at camp. :)

the evening vespers was that day. we met at a tiny chapel, where the pastor talked about what it means to serve God and others.

so do not fear, for i am with you;
do not be dismayed, for i am your God.
i will strengthen you and help you;
i will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
all who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced;
those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish.
though you search for your enemies, you will not find them.
those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all.
for i am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, do not fear;
i will help you.

isaiah 41: 10-13

there was a campfire that night. one of the leaders always saves the ashes and uses them in the fire the next year. he said that there’s over one hundred years of scouting history in the ashes.

they had tons of s’mores supplies for us to use, including giant marshmallows and candy bars. s’mores are delicious.

for entertainment, the campers sang, told jokes, did skits, etc. our friend bella taught us the rooster song, which is probably the greatest camp song i’ve ever  heard.

i had a chicken
but no eggs it laid
i had a chicken
but no eggs it laid
until that rooster
came in my yard
and caught my chicken
completely off guard
we’re having omelets
we never used to
until that rooster came in my yard
we’re having omelets
we never used to
until that rooster came in my yard

look it up on youtube so you can hear the rest, it’s such a thought-provoking song.

« day six | friday »

friday was our last full day at camp, and i got a few cute pictures of the friends i made.

lily & bella.

arm throne.

piggyback ride.

parents were allowed to visit camp that evening for dinner, another fire, and a talent show.

the audition skit.

 F.U.N. song on an electric ukulele.

F is for friends who do stuff together
U is for ukuele
N is for nose picking, sharing gum and sand licking
here with my best buddy

“ALEX is long gone when he left us in the middle of the woods for his car!”

every year, this troop rewrites a taylor swift song to be about that week of camp. this year’s was the song trouble.

i’ve got my ticket for the long way ‘round
the one with the prettiest of views
it’s got mountains, it’s got rivers, it’s got sights to give you shivers
but it sure would be prettier with you

cups // anna kendrick

look at the staff GO.

it’s a lie, it’s a lie. ships ahoy, ships ahey, ships a hi-hi-hi!
oh, i’ve sailed the seven seas and i’ve sniffed the salty breeze,
but i never, ever, ever saw a mermaid.

there was supposed to be a meteor shower that night, and a lot of the girls were going to sleep on the plaza and watch the sky. but it started pouring, so we camped out in the dining hall instead.

leftover s’mores supplies were laid out on the one of the tables, and my brilliant friends decided to do the chubby bunny challenge. they were not very good at it.

it was a rather nice night, really. there weren’t many girls on sugar highs this year. the cook made calzones for our midnight snack and we watched the secret life of pets. i wasn’t really paying much attention to the movie. i was too busy drawing a girl named mary and cuddling with my friend brie and listening to her talk in a southern accent. she kept mentioning how tiny and what a great cuddle buddy i am, and she tried to take me home with her the next day.

izzy and i stayed in the dining hall until about 1:30 a.m., when we left to sleep in our own tent.

« day seven | saturday »

and then, of course, the saddest part of camp: the day everyone goes home and you don’t hear from each other until the next year.

someone told us that the trading post was giving out free slushies, so izzy and i stopped there on our way to breakfast. being polite and grammatically correct, i asked the staffer, david, “may i have a cherry slushie?”

and what did he say?

“no, you may not.”

he was laughing until he saw my expression. hurriedly assuring me that he was joking, muttering to himself that he thought i had been going to punch him, david gave me my cherry slushie. :)

i had been eyeing a pocket knife all week. it was one of those pretty rainbow ones. the guy at the trading post refused to sell it to me, because he overheard a conversation with izzy that went something like this:

“ooh, izzy, look at that rainbow knife! you can murder your enemies with sparkles and joy!!”

apparently, he didn’t trust me not to stab someone. fair enough. i eventually convinced my mom to go buy it for me, but it was sold out by that time. maybe next year.

breakfast that day was soggy mini powdered donuts and apples. we exchanged email addresses and social media usernames with our friends, and then izzy and i were on our way back home. i think we both slept most of the way.

i got a new totem necklace from the trading post! last year, i got one with a white tiger charm, and my 2017 animal friend is a spider.

according to the slips of paper that came with the necklaces, the “attributes of  TIGER include: passion, strength, stealth, adventurous, spirit, unpredictable, self-control, independence, charisma, valor, intuition, devotion and solidarity.” “SPIDER characteristics include: patience, infinity, creativity, artistic expression, and the web of destiny.”

after returning home from an exhausting week away, most normal people would crash and relax/nap for the rest of the day. but, as we all know, i am not a normal person. so what did i do instead of resting? something slightly crazy and borderline extroverted. my friend’s birthday party was that day, which i didn’t know about until i got home. i had to take a super quick shower and go meet up with my friend, because her family was nearby getting kittens. i spent the rest of the day with her, trying to make fondue for her cake. no rest for the weary. :’)

xo

loren

// summer camp | pt. one //

hello, my friends!

here’s the promised post about the week i spent at one of my favorite places, summer camp. there are lots of photos, just a warning.

i may have mentioned at some point that i ran a 5k with my friend izzy the day before we left for camp. well, i got blisters on both of my heels from that. so keep in mind that while i was making my way around camp, i was limping and in pain and getting blood all over my socks. :)

« Day one | sunday »

this is the second summer i’ve spent at camp. it’s for boy scouts, but they allow my scouting group, ahg, to use it for one week. it’s a few hours away from where i live, and i don’t really remember much of the drive up there. i do know that izzy and i spent a long time trying to tune this ukulele that is absolute trash. it’s red and plastic and sounds horrible.

when we got there, we had to go to the admin building to sign in, where we were given those blue wristbands that are impossible to get off. then we went to find our campsite. we stayed in newlon, just like last year.

i think i’ve complained about the tents before, but i’m going to do it again. they’re made of muddy green canvas with duct tape patches over the tears. they’re not waterproof at all, and if you don’t cover it with a tarp, you will be soaked by the storms. the corners of the tents are open and you have to bring your own rope to tie them closed with. the cots are uncomfortable and saggy and have questionable stains on them. you have to search the tent at night for bugs and squish them before you can go to bed. we found spiders, an egg sack, camel crickets, etc.

we shared a campsite with a troop that we made friends with last year. izzy and i were reunited with our pals beth and alex, which was really exciting. we had a campfire and s’mores that night and hung out with them then.one thing i love about making friends at summer camp is that they haven’t heard any rumors about you that might taint your image, and even if it’s been a year since you’ve seen them, you can pick up right where you left off like no time has passed at all.

our friend emily wasn’t there, and i was a bit disappointed about that. apparently she didn’t want to miss one week of swim practice. hopefully she’ll be there next year.

izzy and i picked a tent that was a few yards away from the rest of newlon. we called it our hermit tent.

once our unpacking was done, izzy and i headed down to the lake for the swim test.

i’ll be honest. i’m not that great of a swimmer. i thought i was going to die when i did it last year. in order to pass, you have to swim 75 yd. of a forward stroke, 25 yd. of elementary backstroke, and then float for awhile. it was much easier this year, though. i’m not sure why.

after the swim test, we headed up to eagle plaza. that’s where they do the morning and dinner flag ceremonies and make announcements before every meal. the announcements were long and dull and it was always hot outside.

the meals were served cafeteria-style. you would find a seat in the dining hall, wait for your table to be dismissed, make a mad dash for the kitchen, and stand in a line as long as the building.

and now i will complain about the food.

the soda machine kept breaking. i actually ate salad while i was there. they served unidentifiable canned fruit for nearly every meal. the juices flooded the plate and made the sandwiches soggy. the only time they made an effort to keep the sandwiches dry was when the parents came for dinner on the last night, and they wrapped them in foil. they gave us chicken biscuits for breakfast one day, and to make it slightly different from the chicken sandwiches we had eaten for lunch the day before, we were given little packets of jelly. JELLY. ON CHICKEN.

after dinner, a silkscreening station was set up, so we could make our own camp t-shirts. i got my mom to do mine for me, so i didn’t have to stand in line with over ninety girls.

need to check the weather at camp, but don’t have internet access? no problem. the overstreet weather rock has got you covered. according to the wise, all-seeing rock, it poured the entire night and my mom marched us up to the dining hall at one in the morning so we wouldn’t get electrocuted in our tent.

izzy read part of a book to me that night: heap house (the iremonger trilogy) // edward carey. it’s one of the most bizarre books i’ve ever read, but i enjoyed it quite a lot.

dark. darker than any coal hole i’ve ever seen, so little light from the clouds above. and cold with it, colder than any winter day when your breath makes thick clouds and the puddles have all iced over and it hurts to touch metal and you’re huddling and shivering though you’ve put so many layers on and you think you’ll never ever get warm again. colder than that. and hopeless, without any hope at all. and the feeling of being dead. of being lost from everyone. buried alive deep down and no one to know it. and the feeling of uselessness, of being broken and alone. in the cold darkness. that’s how i felt.

i’ve been put out, i thought.

i’ve been snuffed out.

i’m not alight any longer.

« day two | monday »

the next morning, we woke up incredibly early, when it was still dark. if you want to shower while at camp, you need to get up and into one of the stalls before the rest of the girls wake up, or else you are out of luck. i remember that last year, you could spend twenty minutes sitting in the 7 a.m. chill while waiting for a stall to open up. it took forever for the campers to get ready because they liked talking to each other while showering.

the newlon side of the bathhouse had freezing water. it was warmer to stand outside in the rain than to get in those showers. that’s why i only showered twice the entire week. i’m good at hygiene.

after breakfast, we went to our first class, fishing. then to shooting sports. then search, survival, and rescue, and then lunch. (i’ll be talking about the badge classes in another post.) we had a few hours of free time after that, which izzy and i spent walking around camp and taking photos.

we found this millipede by the newlon campsite. i think it’s a polydesmida, but  i’m going to call it halloween.

there’s a bouldering wall that i’m actually quite good at. the most difficult bits are getting around the corners and this one stupid green fish handhold.

what a lovely face. 10/10.

lakeside trail.

to the waterfront.

we found this weird tree by the lake. it looks like a candy cane to me.

the dock in lake dillon.

where the boating equipment is stored. 

this thing is called the wet willie. it gives you a wedgie.

this is the iceberg. they didn’t have it set up last year. getting your legs out of the water and into a handhold was the hardest part, but after that, it’s a fairly easy climb to the top, where you slide down the other side.

boating.

i was really excited to see the jellyfish in the lake, but i didn’t get a chance to canoe or paddle board out to where they are. i guess it didn’t really matter, since no one at camp had seen the jellyfish this year. they must have died.

« day three | tuesday »

the next day was the dutch over cook-off. izzy and i made a brownie cherry cobbler, adapted from this recipe. we practiced making it at home before camp, and it took us over three hours that time, so we made sure to start cooking it early. there were a few dads who had volunteered to cook the desserts for everyone, but my mom insisted that we make it, so it wouldn’t get burned like last time. (last year, we made a disgusting s’mores concoction. it was so hot that it melted a judge’s plastic spoon.)

the cobbler finished cooking just after dinner had started. we grabbed some food at the dining hall before following everyone back to the campsites for the judging. there were seven cobblers, i think: ours; a s’mores thing; chocolate, strawberry, and graham crackers; peach, cinnamon, and blueberries; and a few others that i don’t remember.

a lot of girls mentioned that they liked ours the best, without knowing we had made it. our friends were convinced that we were going to win. they didn’t announce the winner until the campfire on friday night. it was the chocolate strawberry one, which i didn’t actually think was that great. it was too dry, and the strawberry tasted like those weird candies that you never buy but somehow have anyway.

we had a cinematography class that day after dinner. i liked it quite a lot — all that camera stuff is fascinating to me — but everyone else said it was a bit boring. izzy actually fell asleep.

☼

we’ll have to stop there, or else this will get way too long. but the next part is written and ready to go, so that will hopefully be up soon. and if you want to read about my camp experience from last year, click here.

have any of you been to a camp this summer? if you did, i’d love to hear your stories in the comments. :)

xo

loren

// 8•19•17 | county fair //

i was able to go to the fair with a few of my friends last saturday (k, b, and two who i’ve never talked about before: emily and adam). summer has come to a close, school started yesterday for me, and my best friends and i aren’t going to the same co-op anymore. it felt like a last hurrah. a toast to summer and all-nighters and lost loves. the happy ending to the chapter where we saw each other every friday. it was exciting and sad.

i met up with my friends in the barn with the poultry and rabbits. then we explored the art exhibit. we stood in line for about twenty minutes just to buy tickets for the rides. adam let a young woman cut in front of us because she offered him five dollars.

adam is quite weird. he kept bumping into us and trying to push us in front of oncoming golf carts. he got slapped often that night. i don’t feel bad for him.

we were going to fight each other — brawl right there in the middle of the street. i was pretty confident that i could beat him, but k and emily wouldn’t let us. they’re no fun.

fair food is greasy and too sweet and exactly the kind of thing to enjoy with friends. k and i shared a funnel cake.

zero gravity ride.

it’s not blurry, it’s aesthetic.

round and round like a horse on a carousel, we go. will i ever catch up to love? i could never tell. (carousel // melanie martinez)

the typhoon is my favorite ride at the fair. i didn’t get to go on it this time, though.

i kept trying to sneak pictures of my friends. k and adam got pretty ticked at me. :)

b had to leave before too long, which was a bit disappointing. we missed you, my dear.

the only ride we went on was the ferris wheel. we waited in line for about half an hour. it wasn’t that bad, really. we made fun of my friend’s deadbeat boyfriend who bailed on her, complained about the line a lot, etc. adam had a soda and was threatening to pour it on my head. i dared him to, because i would have been able to slap him for it without getting in trouble. but he was actually decent enough not to dump the soda on me (shocking!!).

cotton candy clouds.

the top of a ferris wheel at twilight is a sweet, romantic place, right? k was hoping to ruin someone’s date, so she started singing “i hate you, i love you, i hate that i want you” at the top of her lungs.

sitting at the top of a ferris wheel makes me feel like i am part of something bigger. lights on the ground, lights in the sky, lights in my friends’ eyes. the people buzzing about on the earth appear as we really are: tiny. there’s a breeze lifting the damp hair off my neck and i can hear music and laughter from below. this must be what it feels like to be infinite.

on a fault line, late night
underneath the stars we came alive
and singing to the sky just felt right
i won’t forget the good times

while the punks started picking fights
with the skater kids under city lights
remember how we laughed till we cried
i won’t forget the good times

i never want to leave this sunset town
but one day the time may come
and i’ll take you at your word
and carry on

i’ll hate the goodbye
but i won’t forget the good times

good times // all time low

xo

loren

// playlist: songs for summer (2) //

kelsie — swing, swing from the tangles of my heart. (the all-american rejects)

i think some people are like bubbles. they’re beautiful but sometimes can’t help but float away. (about to burst)

a fair in pennsylvania.

sweaty summer job.

i said that you are prettier than the flowers and i meant it.

a fair in north carolina.

see part one here.

« post idea from mason‘s rad blog. songs in bold are explicit. »

☼

the reckless and the brave // all time low

ride // twenty one pilots

revolution radio // green day

ocean avenue // yellowcard

l.a. devotee // panic! at the disco

teenage satellites // blink-182

fourth of july // fall out boy

hello, brooklyn // all time low

unbelievable // owl city

kings of the weekend // blink-182

she’s a rebel // green day

young volcanoes // fall out boy

bulletproof heart // my chemical romance

with you around // yellowcard

america’s suitehearts // fall out boy

last young renegade // all time low

☼

even though it’s nearing the end of summer, it feels like the most summery time for me, probably because i get to go to the week-long camp that i’ve been talking about for months. it’s about two hours away and one of my favorite places. we leave sunday morning (i’m writing this on the 5th), and i haven’t actually started packing yet, but it will be fine.

there are so many wonderful things at camp, like the jellyfish in the lake, the tepee on the island, the totem poles, the archery range, etc. it’s a boy scout camp, but they let my scouting group, ahg, use it for one week. we work on badges while we’re there, and the ones i’m doing are fishing, shooting sports, search, survival, and rescue, and possibly cinematography. my friend izzy will be there, too, and she’s taking all the same classes. that’s nice for me, because i would feel extremely out of place without her.

i never shut up about this camp, sorry. and i never even post pictures of it. but we get a lot of free time this year, so i’ll (hopefully) be able to get lots of photos. :)

xo

loren

// playlist: songs for summer (1) //

here’s a list of songs that are either about summer, or give me summery vibes. if you’re not in a summer state of mind yet, these might help you along. part two coming soon. :)

« post idea from mason‘s rad blog »

☼

summertime // my chemical romance

ocean avenue (acoustic) // yellowcard

satellites // sleeping with sirens

slowtown // twenty one pilots

swing, swing // the all-american rejects

umbrella beach // owl city

favorite record // fall out boy

save me a spark // sleeping with sirens

golden days // panic! at the disco

satellite // all time low

west coast friendship // owl city

forest // twenty one pilots

the strays // sleeping with sirens

S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W // my chemical romance

saturday // fall out boy

on top of the world // imagine dragons

the yacht club // owl city

good times // all time low

kids from yesterday // my chemical romance

☼

a concept: you are sitting on a dock, with fog drifting around you. you have a smoothie and your favorite book. listening to the birds and crickets singing a duet, you watch as the sun makes its slow ascent into the sky. vibrant hues bleed like watercolor over the horizon: peach and rose and lilac. a beam of sunlight lands on the dock, splashing you with warmth and hope. you open the worn covers of your book and are pulled into the fictional world as the one around you comes alive.

xo

loren

// emerald isle travel diary | pt. two //

hello, my friends!

it is hot as heck today. i spent the morning with my friend izzy, and we decided to use the sun to our advantage. so we went outside and burned stuff with a magnifying glass: ants, flowers, leaves, cat hair, our legs. (friCK, it hurt).

anyway! here’s the second — and final — part of my emerald isle travel diary. :) (read the first part here.)

☼

« day four »

another night without much sleep! how fun. it’s turning into a habit.

we went to the pine knolls aquarium this morning. there were some normal stuff, like frogs and otters and freshwater fish. but there were also a few sharks, as well as lion fish, jellyfish, pipefish, and sea horses. the whole thing took us about two hours.

once we had been at the beach house for awhile, my parents went to check out a fishing shop. c and i sat on the porch and he insulted my friends again while i played ukulele. (believe // yellowcard and adam’s song // blink-182 are easy songs.)

i convinced c to go on a walk with me. we went in the opposite direction that i explored last night. it was really humid and hot and kind of gross and the wind kept blowing my hair into my face. but we saw a dog and some pretty beach houses and i picked flowers, so it was alright.

for dinner, we went to a restaurant named port of calls, which was right up against the water of the inland side of emerald isle. it was raining the whole time we ate, but it was rather nice anyway, because i got to watch the waves and the storm clouds and the rain drumming against the windows. the restaurant served seafood, which i’m not too fond of. so i got something called “buried treasure,” which turned out to be an enormous plate of potatoes, covered in cheese and bacon and tomatoes and sour cream. it was pretty good, but there was so much of it.

oh, and while we were eating, i figured out the names of my future pets: the dog will be named turtle, and i’ll have two turtles, who will be called dribble and billie joe armstrong.

my dad went fishing down at the beach after dark. c and i went to watch after our mom told us he had caught sharks. while we were waiting for him to catch something, we got in the water, even though the sea feels like a creature waiting to pounce when it’s nighttime. the water was creamy and warm and i wanted nothing more than to slip under the gentle waves and swim and swim and not come back.

 my dad did catch another shark while we were down there. it was slightly shorter than my forearm and it wriggled a lot and it felt like cold sandpaper.

« day five »

i didn’t sleep much again. what a surprise.

i woke up at eleven because there were noises in the house. the bathroom sink is leaking, so i guess there’s a plumber here to fix it. but he’s being extremely loud and he’s right outside my door.

i’m ready to go home. i feel like i can’t hear my own thoughts out here. i need to hide in my loft bed at home with the soft blankets and the fairy lights and not come out until the summer is over. we’ll leave on sunday morning, so i have to get through three days before i’m home again. that sounds really hard and i want to cry and sleep the rest of this trip away.

a few good songs:

long lost feeling // blink-182

if it means a lot to you // a day to remember

miserable at best // mayday parade

jamie all over // mayday parade

we walked along the pier and watched the fishermen lined up against the railing. people had carved hearts and their names and phone numbers into the wood. you’d think that couples would be able to come up with something more romantic than their initials inside a crudely drawn heart. if i were going to scratch something into a railing, i think it would just be the word lovely. 

we checked out one of the touristy shops by the beach. i don’t remember what it was called. there were tons of t-shirts and swimsuits and beach towels. the only thing i actually liked were the lifeguard tees. but i think it would be weird to wear something like that if you had never been a lifeguard. it sounds like a fun job to have, though. to me, one of the coolest things you can do is save someone, or at least be willing to. i’d like to be a lifeguard someday.

we went to watch spider-man: homecoming at a tiny movie theater called cinema 4. i have always adored spider-man, and the new actor made me like him even more. my mom and brother kept telling me how similar i am to one of the characters, michelle. i’ll take that as a compliment.

« day six »

would you believe me if i told you that i actually got enough sleep last night? yeah, i didn’t think so. nights are hard, my friends.

old microwaved pancakes are good for breakfast. i bet that when i move out, i could make one batch of pancakes and live off of it for a week.

my mom took my brother and me back to the aquarium. there were two trails there that led to the sound, and we hiked one of them. it wasn’t very long, only 1.2 miles. but there were so many awful mosquitoes. don’t even think about hiking here without lots of bug spray. it would have been a disappointing outing if it weren’t for the crabs. they were all along the marshy parts, with their holes beside the trail and claws littering the ground. and there were huge clusters of them on the sandy area of the sound.

we stopped by a little shop called homer’s point on the way home to pick up seafood for dinner. we still have some frozen food at the beach house, and i can have that instead of scallops.

my dad and i both really want to go home. we managed to convince my mom to let us leave a day early. :D so we’ll be going home sometime tomorrow (saturday) instead of sunday.

pro tip: don’t listen to three green day albums right before going to bed. you will be too hyped to sleep and you’ll want to run through the streets at night and kiss pretty people and overthrow the government and rule the world.

there was an insane storm tonight, and i was awake until four, drawing and watching the lightning. it lit up the sky more than the fireworks i’d seen a few nights ago a in the beach. and it wasn’t like there was one strike every few minutes. this was a constant light show. some of the lightning was red and it slithered from cloud to cloud. the strange part was that it wasn’t raining here at all.

« day seven »

i got up before noon today (i deserve an award, honestly) and packed all my stuff up. we left at 10:30. i’m in the car now and i have a feeling that this will be a very boring six hours. it’s rather hard to draw or write in a car, so that leaves me with reading to pass the time. this would be more bearable if i had music.

i had a dream that i kissed your lips, and it felt so true. then i woke up as a nervous wreck and i fell for you. (fell for you // green day)

apparently we’ve already been driving for an hour? it doesn’t feel like it. maybe this won’t be as awful as i anticipated. (i’ll probably look back at this in five hours and start laughing, and then i’ll cry.)

i thought we were getting close, but we actually have about three and a half hours to go. sigh. i would write down some of my thoughts, but the only thing in my head right now is basket case // green day on repeat.

x

SOMETIMES MY MIND PLAYS TRICKS ON ME. IT ALL KEEPS ADDING UP. I THINK I’M CRACKING UP. AM I PARANOID? OR AM I JUST STONED?

we stopped for lunch, and lo and behold, there was a chick-fil-a. sadly, we didn’t get a free milkshake like last time, but it was still pretty good.

make sure you stay hydrated, kids. if you want some water, but you think it’s too much work to get up and find a drink, DO IT ANYWAY. if not, i will come to your house and lick you all over, and believe me, no one wants that. just looking out for your health, my loves. :)

the last time i remember driving through the mountains for a long time was in february, when i went away for the weekend with n. there was a girl in the van who got really sick after just a couple of minutes. i’m glad that no one in my family gets very carsick. i never know what to do when someone is feeling ill. reason #74925390 why i would be a bad parent.

 

my brother is snoring next to me. it sounds like when you have a cold and your nose is all clogged up. you guys can laugh at this picture of him, since you seem to enjoy dumb things.

we should be getting close to home, but i don’t think i recognize anything. maybe that’s because pockets of trees and golden fields crisscrossed with fences are everywhere here.

wait. apparently we’re on the road that goes right by the high school. i’m so confused. how can i not remember any of this? not being able to trust your own memory is a scary feeling, because what if the best ones, the ones you fall back on to escape when things are too hard — what if the version you’re clinging to isn’t how it really happened?

i don’t know where i am and i’m wondering if my most important memories are lies, but there are flowers along the road, so everything will be ok.

scratchy rock music playing on the radio is kind of comforting.

COWS.

my favorite things about my hometown are the wildflowers that grow in the median, and the christian music stations that remind me of my brother’s old friend, and the rundown stores along the highway that are owned by the locals, where time stops moving and all you can think about is the too-cold air conditioning and the smell of cigarettes and the moisture on the cooler doors and the colored specks in the tiles and the taste of freezer burn on the ice cream.

i know where we are now. we just got out of the state park that’s filled with waterfalls and trees with faerie houses in them. i’m still confused as to why i saw the road sign that’s supposed to be next to the high school. maybe there are two roads named that in this state (unlikely)? maybe i can’t trust my memory. i don’t know.

my mom said we would home at 5:17, but it’s 5:19 and we’re not there. lying to your family. what a monstrous thing to do. (also, i’m about to run out of battery, help.)

I NEED TO GO TO THE BAAATHROOOOM, BUT IT’S A MUUUSICAAAAL.

hello, post office! hello, town hall! hello, housing development! hello, bumblebee car! hello, my hill! hello, my house! hello, my kitten!

☼

xo

loren