// today was not too bad //

you are my peach, you are my plum. you are my earth, you are my sun.

(peach // the front bottoms)

« post idea from mason‘s rad blog »

songs in bold are explicit.

lazy bones // green day

feeling this // blink-182

rainbow connection // sleeping at last (cover)

hum hallelujah // fall out boy

peach // the front bottoms

after midnight // blink-182

miserable at best // mayday parade

troublemaker // green day

hey i’m sorry // blink-182

LISTEN TO PEACH, IT’S SO CUTE. PLEASE JUST DO IT.

i went on a five mile bike ride this morning with my mom. there were lots and lots of corn fields and hills. but there were also lots of wildflowers, like queen anne’s lace, daisies, and chicory. however, i did forget to use deodorant, and my shirt was literally soaked with sweat, so that was fun. don’t use me as a role model, kids.

x

does anyone else get intrusive thoughts? like, “eat that WHOLE tube of toothpaste,” or “impale yourself on that FRICKEN S T I C K.” because my brain was supplying some of those while i was biking.

my mind: you should swerve in front of this lovely car!! it’ll be fun!!

me: dude, what??

my mind: SWERVE TO THE LEFT, TO THE LEFT, TAKE IT BACK NOW YA’LL.

me: *screaming*

x

i have been really into blink-182 lately — probably thanks to how many times i listened to the california album while i was on vacation. (some of my favorite songs are misery, long lost feeling, after midnight, down, i miss you, and adam’s song.) anyway, i was looking at band merch at hot topic, and i found this sweatshirt. “genuine crappy punk rock” — i really should not find it funny, but i do. so i bought it and my band merch collection is expanding.

blink-182, according to my mom: “you mean that one band that filmed a video naked?” aye, cheers, mum, that’s the one.

Image result for green day mask

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apparently you can buy masks of the green day members?? how rad and slightly creepy are these things? can we get them, n? you can have the tré cool one, since you need a bit of help in the cool area. ;D heh heh heh, making fun of friends is great.

i’ve been having fun annoying my family today with my expert ukulele skills (sarcasm). i’ve been playing one part from feeling this // blink-182 over and over again:

fate fell short this time
your smile fades in the summer
place your hand in mine
i’ll leave when i wanna

i have a legend of zelda shirt. fiGHT ME.

it has been confirmed that the best way to play ukulele while standing up is to pretend you are a flamingo, like so. (this picture was not easy to take because i kept hopping around and falling over. a round of applause for my mum, who deals with my peanut butter on a daily basis [i don’t think anyone is going to understand that, but it was funny, trust me].)

i’m bitter, so i drew a picture of me being replaced. r.i.p. 

i also made up a song about pup, which goes like this:

my baby girl is all grown up
she’s off to college
with her ugly boyfriend
his name is p-v-r
peak valley ridge
steals the girls’ hearts
and took my love away from me

(she’s not actually going to college just yet. we’re not that old.)

i think this blog started off as a writing/photography/books/the occasional weird rant blog, but now it has turned into a place for crying about music, mediocre art, the rare aesthetic photo, and basically a guide for how to become friends with the void. but it seems to still be attracting followers, so either it’s not as bad as i think, or you guys just like dumb stuff. probably the latter.

i stayed up until after 4:30 last night, which was fun, i guess? you’d think that i would have been so tired from my last all-nighter that i would have been able to sleep. but my body and mind frequently turn against me, and that’s how things like this happen. :) i started reading a book called the unlikely adventures of mabel jones by will mabbitt, which my friend izzy suggested to me. it starts with a girl getting kidnapped by a loris because she opened a portal into our world by picking her nose and eating it. maybe i only think it’s super weird because of how late it was, but i honestly can’t be sure.

i remember that one time in cultures class, n used “i pulled an all-nighter” as an excuse for getting all the questions wrong (clever, but cheap, my friend). our teachers were pretty chill, though, so they let it go. i’m not kidding, they were fifteen minutes late to their own class on the first day because they had gone to chick-fil-a while dressed up as old ladies.

 in february — it was the weekend of valentine’s day, i believe — i went to a camp in the mountains with n and his church’s youth group. the lodge felt really familiar, and i was sure i had been there before, but i couldn’t quite remember when. then i found some pictures of when i went there with the co-op.

i must have been about five or six and i was kicking butt on the climbing wall. :)

the kid in the green is n!! he’s so tiny. :D and the other small child is q. i love those losers.

HAVE A NICE EVENING. MAKE SURE TO DRINK YOUR CHOCOLATE MILK AND KISS YOU MOTHER AND CRUSH GENDER ROLES.

xo

loren

// swimming hole ft. a girl with mossy rock eyes //

salutations. :) my mom took den mother and me to neat swimming hole on thursday. i brought my camera, of course. here are the pictures, in a more or less random order.

there’s something sad and lovely about dying flowers.

butterfly fren. :)

there was a rope swing, and you had to climb up the face of the rocks to reach it. i was too short to grab ahold of the rope, so we had to find a stick for me to use as an arm extension. what we really needed was a tall person to use as a ladder.

my mom thinks that the rocks at the swimming hole look like animals. she found one last year that has an uncanny resemblance to a trout. b and i poked around for a bit and found this one, who is apparently a giraffe. his name is jeffrey the giraffe and he is the love of my life.

my name’s blurryface and i care what you think.

we were trying to be artsy and it totally failed. we should just stick to being losers.

skipping stones.

this is a rock and his name is gloria.

i tried to find a rock that matched her eyes.

we were having a competition to see who could make the biggest splash with a rock. i was planning on cheating and throwing her in.

she was writing a love note in the dirt. :)

the sun made tiger stripes on the rocks.

we were trying to cross one spot of the river, and we came up with some creative ways of doing it. originally, the plan was to stand on a large piece of bark and paddle/pull ourselves across with a stick. then we tried making a bridge. finally, b offered to give me a piggyback ride so i wouldn’t have to get my feet wet (yes, i’m aware that i’m a loser). it was only when we were crossing the river the second time that we realized we could both just walk across.

the sun was shining the entire drive to the swimming hole, but once we got there, a bunch of clouds popped up out of nowhere. waiting for the sun to come back out, we wandered around and photographed the wildflowers. once it had warmed up a little, we got into the swimming hole, which was absolutely f r e e z i n g. we found a couple of warm spots and huddled there until the current moved them elsewhere. we were comparing “tans” (which is in quotation marks because we are both extremely pale), and my shinguard tan is amazingly striking when underwater. my thighs are kind of tan, but everything below that is incredibly freaking white. shinguard tans are probably the worst thing about soccer. and we did this race, where instead of swimming or running, we bounced along the river on our butts.

we are not the most mature people.

i had seen pictures of the rope swing online, and that’s how i knew it was there. the swimming hole was kind of shallow that day, so jumping into it on a fraying rope tied to a dead branch was probably not the smartest thing i could have done, but i’m an idiot, so i did it anyway.

i didn’t wear a bathing suit (another brilliant idea, loren!), so even after we had been out of the water for awhile, i was still damp and shivering. while i was looking through the pictures b took of me, i realized that a) my lips were nearly blue, and b) i look like gollum when my hair is wet.

my mom set up a picnic (because she’s a genius), and i got some very  interesting pictures of b kissing a skittles bag. i might post them some time, but she has a lot of blackmail on me, so that might not be the safest thing to do with said pictures. but i definitely won’t delete them. :)

after we ate, b gave me a piggyback ride across the river, where we tried to skip stones and complained about the lack of tall people. really, though, most of my friends are scarcely more than five feet. it would be funny if i weren’t 5’2″ myself.

i’d love to go back to the swimming hole sometime, preferably when it’s hotter, so i don’t spend the whole time freezing. i need to remember to pack a tall person next time, so they can reach the rope swing for me.


a not-very-funny joke told many times that day:

b: why is it so cold here?!

me: because of your heart.


xo

loren

// i want you in the most unromantic way //

(i figured out how to use the timer option on my camera, and even though it’s something small, i’m actually kind of proud of myself.)

i got to hang out with my lovely friend pup on thursday, after trying to plan something for a week. we picked her up at nine and then hung around my house, doing typical teenage girl stuff. like making sweet, sweet music with my ukulele, ocarina, and flute (it actually sounded pretty awful, but we were having fun, so whatever); emptying my wallet of money and throwing 30+ bills around my room; experimenting with milkshake recipes; testing our flexibility; updating her blog’s design, etc. (mostly) normal things.

the unicorn squad.

the unicorn squad.

ah, yes. there we are.

we decided to go to the mall, to try and find a birthday present for our friend. we stopped at a couple stores, and it was actually really fun.

at books-a-million, i found two books about pup: they were called short and loser. and i spotted a unicorn mask and kind of freaked out. i think these are the sickest things ever, so of course we tried it on. we decided that at my wedding, my love and i will wear these for the pictures. i hope whoever i marry is cool with that.

(my nickname used to be unicorn [because i had a lovely zit on my forehead one day and pup is mean], and she will not let me live it down. but that’s fair, because i call her munchkin/fun-size/other nicknames related to being short, even though she’s actually a tiny bit taller than me.)


me, holding a mug that looks like the colossal titan’s face: hey, kelsie, look at this. it’s as pretty as you are.

kelsie: *beautiful girly shriek*


we found some superman socks with little capes attached to them. my friend q had some like that, and he wore them to co-op nearly every day. i think something must have happened to them, because he hasn’t worn them for a long time. i kind of wanted to get some new ones for him.

i found some cool socks, though, which i ended up getting.

BOOM. starry night.

we stopped at a kiosk that sells phone cases, and the worker pointed out one of the camo ones and told us that they were popular among the ladies. he was pretty funny and helpful, but we didn’t find anything nice. there were some yankees ones and a creepy duck.

pup said she was scared to go into hot topic. apparently she walked by it around halloween, and saw a goth kid whom she mistook as a vampire. but i finally coaxed her into going in, and she decided that it was ok once she saw all the disney and harry potter things.

while we were in there, SING by my chemical romance started playing. i flipped out and followed pup around the store, performing the whole thing for her dramatically. i hope i embarrassed her.

for every time that they want to count you out
use your voice every single time you open up your mouth
sing it for the boys
sing it for the girls
every time that you lose it sing it for the worldthen we made our way over to claire’s, because i hadn’t found a nice choker at hot topic and was hoping they would have one. i picked a very simple one, and pup and i wandered around the store, looking at the flower crowns.

when we were getting close to leaving, pup found some pretty bracelets near the register. we ended up getting six of them, and they’re tight enough to not be annoying.

we thought we were supposed to meet my mom back at books-a-million. we waited there for awhile, and jish’s family walked by (he wasn’t with them, sadly). every time i see him, i stare at him creepily and sing, “jooooosh.” i usually ask him about joward, too. because i’m evil. >:)

my mom eventually texted us to see where we were, and then we got lost in the parking lot because we couldn’t find our car. there were a couple of guys using a jackhammer on the pavement, and i don’t think they were supposed to be doing that. oh well.

when we were driving pup to her grandma’s party store, she posted a  bunch of really awful pictures she had taken of me on instagram. she’s literally the worst person in the world. but i posted that picture of her in the unicorn mask as revenge.

she’s one of the weirdest, most amazing people i have ever met. and even if she doesn’t stay in my life forever, i’m so thankful for every moment i’ve had with her.

so this was kind of a weird post, but i don’t think i’ll regret it. i want to save as many photos and stories and inside jokes and adventures as i can, because one day, the people i love might leave, and i need more than just memories of them in my head.

xo

loren

p.s. i just updated my about page. so go check that out.

// friends can break your heart, too //

it has been years

so why haven’t i let go 

of the past

of you

of us

it has been years

and seeing you still hurts

why didn’t you say hello 

ever again?

why do i still have hope?

it is killing me

i want to forget

teach me how

it was so easy for you


i’ve been thinking a lot about all the people that have left. and how every single time, it has been my fault. why wasn’t i more interesting? why wasn’t i good enough? why is it so hard for me to communicate? maybe they would have stayed if i weren’t so very me. what is so wrong with me that everyone leaves?

i was awake at three a.m. with all of my thoughts, and i wrote a poem for the first person who broke my heart. her name is lauren and she was my best friend, the first friend i ever made. i have lots to say about her, but that will be saved for another post. i’ll sort through all my memories of the two of us, even though they feel like thorny vines growing over my heart, and whip up something nostalgic.

so there you have it. my first attempt at poetry in a long while (and a hint of the pain that i’ve been ignoring for years. i think it’s time for me to address it.). i’ve written a few more poems since then, and i think they’re much better than this one. but i still felt like this was important, even if it’s not very good.

xo

loren

// sunshine girl //

and she means everything to me

“now close your eyes, and please understand that you are still young, and the universe is endless, and somehow, everything will be ok.” x

« post idea from izzy’s rad blog »

songs in bold are explicit.

girls/girls/boys // panic! at the disco

without you // oh wonder

you and me both // the classic crime

viva indifference // frnkiero andthe cellabration

on the wing // owl city

still breathing // green day

hold on till may // pierce the veil

when // dodie

landslide // oh wonder

my paper heart // the all-american rejects

things i appreciate about my best friend:

she’s the only one who can make me blush. we have the most confusing relationship. are we enemies? siblings? lovers? you’ll never know. holding hands 24/7. ☼ singing love songs to each other. me, silently: she’s so cute and wonderful and i love her smile and her eyes. me, aloud: hey, loser. every time you say something, all i hear is “punch me in the face.” our flirting gets out of hand sometimes. she’s willing to text me all night if i’m not ok. ☼ she’s like a constant beacon of hope and light and optimism. ☼ and she means everything to me.

“friendship isn’t about who you’ve known the longest. it’s about who walked into your life, said, ‘i’m here for you,’ and proved it.”

can we all start showing more affection to our friends? holding hands, kisses on the cheek, cuddling, etc. and sincere i love yous. those things shouldn’t be saved just for a lover. i don’t want my best friends to think for a moment that they don’t mean the world to me.

and in the end, i’d do it all again. i think you’re my best friend (the kids aren’t alright // fall out boy).

xo

loren

// q&a answers | part one //

thanks for all the questions on my q&a post! you guys made my boredom go away for a bit. you’re magical, every single one of you.

putting all the questions in one post would have made it insanely long, so i’ll be posting my answers in multiple parts. here’s the first one.

isabel‘s questions:

what’s your favorite book?

i’m not sure if it’s my favorite book, but a year without autumn by liz kessler is incredible. the story has stuck with me for a long time. you should definitely read that if you haven’t already.

 :

x

what’s your favorite song?

i really can’t choose, i listen to too much music to have a favorite song. i don’t think i could say it’s my absolute favorite, but glowing eyes by twenty one pilots is pretty great.

do you like hamilton? have you even listened to it? (i doubt it.)

i’ve only listened to a few songs from it, so i don’t have much of an opinion (don’t kill me, kathleen! i love you.).

what’s the last book you read?

the hollow boy by jonathan stroud, i believe. it was so freaking amazing, and i love the characters and the ghosts and the humor and everything about it!!

what are you reading right now?

the mysterious benedict society and the perilous journey by trenton lee stewart. i’m only a few chapters in, so i don’t have much to say about it. but the first book in the series was quite good, and i love how quirky the characters are.

what do you want to be when you grow up?

i’d like to be one of those “light” people:

x

i’m not sure if you can simply will yourself to be like that. maybe it takes a lot of effort and time. or maybe you have to be born like that. but that’s what i hope i will become.

what time is it where you are?

at the moment, it’s 12:58 p.m.

“Can’t sleep in a city of neon and chrome.”

x

what’s your favorite color?

gray. kind of boring, i know. it seems like such a calm color to me.

do you have a goodreads account?

i don’t, sorry. :/

what’s your favorite kind of popsicle?

orange! the best flavor ever. i don’t like eating actual oranges, though.

what’s your favorite ice cream flavor?

there’s this heavenly ice cream that’s chocolate with stripes of peanut butter. it’s the greatest thing i’ve ever tasted, honestly. mint chocolate chip is a close second.

what’s your favorite food?

i really like chinese food. :D i’ll eat pretty much any chinese food, as long as there’s no seafood in it.

what’s your favorite letter?

i like m, because you can make the rock and roll hand thing with it. XD

\m/

the anGST !!! 😩😩😩☠️☠️☠️😪😪😪 • • • {creds to totallycorrectkotlc on tumblrrrr} • • #kotlc #keeperofthelostcities #keefesencen #linhsong #textpost #tumblr

x

who’s your favorite keeper of the lost cities character?

i’m going to go with keefe. he’s an empath, kind of angry and confused and lost, uses humor to hide how hurt he is, and he’s incredibly sarcastic, and i relate to that a lot.

(i think we can probably thank emma for introducing the blogging community to kotlc. you are a saint.)

who do you ship with who in keeper of the lost cities?

i’ve always shipped sophie and dex (to those who like sophitz: you disgust me), but sophie and keefe is a nice ship, too.

what’s your favorite emoji?

🤘🏻🌻☀️🌊🌧👽🖤

those are probably my favorites.

what did you just think of right now?

i was thinking about this really cute girl that used to be in my co-op, and wishing that i had been brave enough to become friends with her. *sigh of super regret*

do you like socks?

yes! too much, probably. i always wear them inside out. and i sleep in socks most of the time. i don’t have many cute socks (someone please buy me some of those pretty socks you see on tumblr), though, so i draw on them with sharpies. :)

Image result for pastel rainbow tumblr

x

what about rainbows?

i’ve never had an unusual love for rainbows, but then i saw an edit with a pastel rainbow. look at how pretty it is!! (◠‿◠✿)

do you still read picture books occasionally? i do.

sometimes, yeah. my favorite one is at my church, it’s called build a burrito, i think. the guys in youth group would beg my brother to read it. he would settle himself into this rocking chair while the guys sat eagerly around his feet. the book is in spanish and english, and every time my brother reached the part that says “three spoonfuls of beans/tres cucharadas de frijoles,” everyone would flip out and shout, “FRIJOLES!!!.” ah, good memories. XD

do you ever write anything besides blog posts?

yep! i like writing fiction. i haven’t been doing that as much as i would like, though. you can read some of my old and cringey stuff by clicking the stories page.

what’s your advice for someone starting a personal blog?

make friends with other bloggers! you won’t get many comments or followers if you’re not interacting with other lovely people in the blogging community. as well as getting more activity on your site, you could make some pretty great friends. :)

den mother‘s questions:

this  might be confusing to people who don’t know me in real life. the people i’m talking about here were in my co-op class. i wrote a bit about them here.

who in our class is most likely to . . .

k/pup:

be a drama queen? cry in a sad movie? have an ugly date to prom? always be happy? be impatient?

1. she makes a big deal out of e v e r y t h i n g, and i actually love it a lot. it’s quite entertaining. 2. we sobbed together in the movie theater during beauty and the beast. 3. i’m not too fond of her sort-of-boyfriend, so he gets to be the ugly prom date. :) 4. she always manages to be optimistic, and it’s made me feel better so many times!! 5. she gets so impatient and excited and it’s  a d o r a b l e.

b/den mother:

have kids first? sing in the shower? fall in love? take more selfies? have the most piercings?

1. she plans on having “at least thirteen kids.” 2. she has a lovely voice! i’m sure she sings to herself everywhere, and definitely in the shower. 3. yiKES. she gets crushes a lot, actually. 4. my girl b posts lots of selfies, and they’re all really pretty. (^.^) 5. a bellybutton piercing would actually look really cool on her. get one, b.

me:

be a flirt? fall whilst walking? drop their phone after they bought it? worry about small things? get a stalker?

1. loren?? the girl who’s never had a date mate or even kissed someone?? a flirt??? well, kids, you learn something new everyday. i flirt with pup 24/7, and sometimes with other people without meaning to. i don’t actually want to date any of them, it’s just sometimes, when i’m tired and/or high on friendship, i’ll randomly start flirting with everyone. 2. what can i say, i’m a clumsy duckling. 3.i’ve dropped my ipod so so so many times. it’s a miracle i haven’t cracked the screen yet. 4. anxiety is my best friend tbh. 5. i’m sure i have at least one person stalking me and blog. hello, stalker! love you, too. ;)

q/ponytail:

hold their breath the longest? be the best at math? be successful? be close to their parents?

1. he’s the best at everything, so it would make sense. 2. he’s a huge nerd, holy crap. great at math and logic and all that stuff. 3. he’s probably going to be a famous athlete and have a gorgeous wife and tons of dogs (dogs = success.) 4. he’s a mama’s boy and it’s hilarious.

h/hojo:

give all their money to charity? be a fan of Star Wars? listen to classical music?

1. alright, kiddos, let me tell you about hojo. all the moms at co-op talk about how handsome and polite and smart he is, blah blah blah. he goes to mexico a lot to volunteer at an orphanage, so it wouldn’t surprise me if he gave all his money to it. 2. he’s a nerd and it’s great. he would talk to me about pokemon and the legend of zelda during art class. i’m quite sure that he likes star wars. 3. nerd? favorite among the moms? sideburns? tell me with a straight face that he doesn’t like classical music.

megan:

talk to animals? get married first? be a good cook?

1. megan is a lovely person with lots of cute animal friends!! i’m sure she’ll figure out how to communicate with her bunnies someday. 2. she’s so nice and beautiful and interesting, and i’m sure a kind guy will fall in love with her sooner or later. 3. she’s an incredible baker, holy crap.

j/jish:

ask stupid questions? be hungry 24/7?

1. one time he asked me not to write fanfiction about joward (jish + hojo). how dumb of a question is that?? 2. we got three pizzas on the last day of co-op, and he ate nearly the entire pepperoni one by himself.

t/beef jerkey:

marry a celebrity? be sleepy? forget birthdays or anniversaries? accidentally kill someone?

1. pup is going to be a famous dancer, and he’ll marry her and they’ll be cute and athletic together and it’ll be great. :D 2. i think he might have fallen asleep once or twice during nature study class. what a loser. 3. i think he’s in pup la la land 24/7. he’ll likely forget their wedding anniversary. 4. this guy has huge arm muscles, it’s not fair at all. he could kill someone by hugging them.

t/a huge jerk who doesn’t get a nickname:

laugh at the wrong moment? have a rich husband? spend all their money on something stupid? skydive?

1. he would probably laugh when someone told them their mom had died. he’s mean. 2. i’m not sure he’s capable of loving someone. so he would only marry for money. 3. all of his thoughts are dumb to some degree. anything he would want to buy would have to be dumb, too. 4. he’s so so dumb. he would jump out of a plane without a parachute and create a makeshift one with all of his flannel.

this has been a lot of fun! thank you for the questions, guys, i love how weird some of them are. i hope you enjoyed reading this as much as i liked writing it.

what’s the most interesting thing you learned about me from this q&a?

xo

loren