// another adventure | photography //

my mom dragged me to a campground last week for a nature journaling club (basically a convention of old ladies who thought they were hilarious). i’ve been there many times before, with ahg and cub scouts, and for a renaissance fair and jousting tournament.

i roamed around the campground and hiked up to an overlook while my mom was at the club. i am in love with wandering off by myself and just thinking. i think there’s a word for that: solivagant. it’s a nice word. i wish i sounded like it. 

my mom is an artist. she’s kind of ok, i guess.

i found a dying bouquet by the base of the cliffs. it made me sad. that might be one of the worst kinds of sadness: seeing something that makes you ache, but not knowing why it makes you feel that way.

there’s a tiny cave in one of the cliffs. there were enormous crickets on the ceiling. gross.

people have scratched words into the rocks up at the lookout. i like searching for things other than initials.

because if you’re going to deface nature, you may as well be polite about it.

while i was hiking up to the outlook, a group of girls with a puppy passed by. it was chubby and white and basically a puffball of light and joy. it was one of the softest things i’ve ever touched.

yellow flowers are a gift. thanks, God.

it was getting pretty hot, so i made my way over to the river, planning to wade. but the river was gone?? somehow?? so i took pictures of the wildflowers growing on the bank instead.

i’ve had my converse for almost two years and they’re falling apart. i need new ones. they’re not as bad as my last pair yet (i could peel back half of the sole on those ones), but they’re getting there. i’ve managed to rip a hole in the heel because i got one shoe stuck in a door, the laces are fraying, the rubber on the sides are coming off, and they’re stained red from the mud at my camp‘s shooting range.

these tiny daises are one of my favorite flowers.

idk what this means, but i like it.

i’m still angry about my river disappearing. it’s like part of my childhood evaporated. darn you, water cycle.

i have good memories of this place: murder in the dark in the rain, muddy ultimate frisbee, guitar around the campfire, splashing around in the river, biking through enormous puddles, playing cards with my best friend in our tent. it’s rained literally every time i’ve gone camping there, but i don’t really mind.

nostalgia tints everything gold.

xo loren

// summer camp | pt. two //

hello, my friends!

the second part of my adventures at summer camp is here!! make sure to read part one here.

« day four | wednesday »

there was an enormous tulip-tree moth at the dining hall the next morning.

there were waterfront games that night. each campsite entered girls into the competitions, such as climbing the iceberg, relays, the rubber ducky race, swamping a canoe, etc. the only one i was in was the canoe swamp. all i had to do was sit in it, squished up against other girls, until the canoe got too heavy and filled with water.

newlon won the aquatic games. :D

for the search, survival, and rescue badge, we had to spend wednesday night sleeping in the woods in makeshift shelters. the one izzy and i made looked a bit like this, but shorter. so after the waterfront games, we changed into dry clothes and headed off to where we had built our shelters earlier that day. sleeping in the woods was a little bit awful and a little bit insanely exciting.

we took a night hike out to indian point, a peninsula in the lake. i laid in the dewy grass and watched the sky and the lights reflecting off the water while our leader talked about stars. then we went back to our shelters and started a tiny fire with flint and steel.

a normal exchange between izzy and loren that night:

me: you know those baby pictures, where you can see the baby’s feet, and the parents’ feet are on either side?

izzy: i guess.

me, patting a pack of uno cards on the ground between us: this is the baby.

izzy: stop being weird.

me: i’m not being weird!

alex, our leader, in the distance: shut up and go to sleep!

« day five | thursday »

the next morning, we tore down our shelters and went back to the newlon campsite as soon as it was light. most of us went directly to the showers. and that, my friends, was the last shower i had at camp. :)

the evening vespers was that day. we met at a tiny chapel, where the pastor talked about what it means to serve God and others.

so do not fear, for i am with you;
do not be dismayed, for i am your God.
i will strengthen you and help you;
i will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
all who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced;
those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish.
though you search for your enemies, you will not find them.
those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all.
for i am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, do not fear;
i will help you.

isaiah 41: 10-13

there was a campfire that night. one of the leaders always saves the ashes and uses them in the fire the next year. he said that there’s over one hundred years of scouting history in the ashes.

they had tons of s’mores supplies for us to use, including giant marshmallows and candy bars. s’mores are delicious.

for entertainment, the campers sang, told jokes, did skits, etc. our friend bella taught us the rooster song, which is probably the greatest camp song i’ve ever  heard.

i had a chicken
but no eggs it laid
i had a chicken
but no eggs it laid
until that rooster
came in my yard
and caught my chicken
completely off guard
we’re having omelets
we never used to
until that rooster came in my yard
we’re having omelets
we never used to
until that rooster came in my yard

look it up on youtube so you can hear the rest, it’s such a thought-provoking song.

« day six | friday »

friday was our last full day at camp, and i got a few cute pictures of the friends i made.

lily & bella.

arm throne.

piggyback ride.

parents were allowed to visit camp that evening for dinner, another fire, and a talent show.

the audition skit.

 F.U.N. song on an electric ukulele.

F is for friends who do stuff together
U is for ukuele
N is for nose picking, sharing gum and sand licking
here with my best buddy

“ALEX is long gone when he left us in the middle of the woods for his car!”

every year, this troop rewrites a taylor swift song to be about that week of camp. this year’s was the song trouble.

i’ve got my ticket for the long way ‘round
the one with the prettiest of views
it’s got mountains, it’s got rivers, it’s got sights to give you shivers
but it sure would be prettier with you

cups // anna kendrick

look at the staff GO.

it’s a lie, it’s a lie. ships ahoy, ships ahey, ships a hi-hi-hi!
oh, i’ve sailed the seven seas and i’ve sniffed the salty breeze,
but i never, ever, ever saw a mermaid.

there was supposed to be a meteor shower that night, and a lot of the girls were going to sleep on the plaza and watch the sky. but it started pouring, so we camped out in the dining hall instead.

leftover s’mores supplies were laid out on the one of the tables, and my brilliant friends decided to do the chubby bunny challenge. they were not very good at it.

it was a rather nice night, really. there weren’t many girls on sugar highs this year. the cook made calzones for our midnight snack and we watched the secret life of pets. i wasn’t really paying much attention to the movie. i was too busy drawing a girl named mary and cuddling with my friend brie and listening to her talk in a southern accent. she kept mentioning how tiny and what a great cuddle buddy i am, and she tried to take me home with her the next day.

izzy and i stayed in the dining hall until about 1:30 a.m., when we left to sleep in our own tent.

« day seven | saturday »

and then, of course, the saddest part of camp: the day everyone goes home and you don’t hear from each other until the next year.

someone told us that the trading post was giving out free slushies, so izzy and i stopped there on our way to breakfast. being polite and grammatically correct, i asked the staffer, david, “may i have a cherry slushie?”

and what did he say?

“no, you may not.”

he was laughing until he saw my expression. hurriedly assuring me that he was joking, muttering to himself that he thought i had been going to punch him, david gave me my cherry slushie. :)

i had been eyeing a pocket knife all week. it was one of those pretty rainbow ones. the guy at the trading post refused to sell it to me, because he overheard a conversation with izzy that went something like this:

“ooh, izzy, look at that rainbow knife! you can murder your enemies with sparkles and joy!!”

apparently, he didn’t trust me not to stab someone. fair enough. i eventually convinced my mom to go buy it for me, but it was sold out by that time. maybe next year.

breakfast that day was soggy mini powdered donuts and apples. we exchanged email addresses and social media usernames with our friends, and then izzy and i were on our way back home. i think we both slept most of the way.

i got a new totem necklace from the trading post! last year, i got one with a white tiger charm, and my 2017 animal friend is a spider.

according to the slips of paper that came with the necklaces, the “attributes of  TIGER include: passion, strength, stealth, adventurous, spirit, unpredictable, self-control, independence, charisma, valor, intuition, devotion and solidarity.” “SPIDER characteristics include: patience, infinity, creativity, artistic expression, and the web of destiny.”

after returning home from an exhausting week away, most normal people would crash and relax/nap for the rest of the day. but, as we all know, i am not a normal person. so what did i do instead of resting? something slightly crazy and borderline extroverted. my friend’s birthday party was that day, which i didn’t know about until i got home. i had to take a super quick shower and go meet up with my friend, because her family was nearby getting kittens. i spent the rest of the day with her, trying to make fondue for her cake. no rest for the weary. :’)

xo

loren

// summer camp | pt. one //

hello, my friends!

here’s the promised post about the week i spent at one of my favorite places, summer camp. there are lots of photos, just a warning.

i may have mentioned at some point that i ran a 5k with my friend izzy the day before we left for camp. well, i got blisters on both of my heels from that. so keep in mind that while i was making my way around camp, i was limping and in pain and getting blood all over my socks. :)

« Day one | sunday »

this is the second summer i’ve spent at camp. it’s for boy scouts, but they allow my scouting group, ahg, to use it for one week. it’s a few hours away from where i live, and i don’t really remember much of the drive up there. i do know that izzy and i spent a long time trying to tune this ukulele that is absolute trash. it’s red and plastic and sounds horrible.

when we got there, we had to go to the admin building to sign in, where we were given those blue wristbands that are impossible to get off. then we went to find our campsite. we stayed in newlon, just like last year.

i think i’ve complained about the tents before, but i’m going to do it again. they’re made of muddy green canvas with duct tape patches over the tears. they’re not waterproof at all, and if you don’t cover it with a tarp, you will be soaked by the storms. the corners of the tents are open and you have to bring your own rope to tie them closed with. the cots are uncomfortable and saggy and have questionable stains on them. you have to search the tent at night for bugs and squish them before you can go to bed. we found spiders, an egg sack, camel crickets, etc.

we shared a campsite with a troop that we made friends with last year. izzy and i were reunited with our pals beth and alex, which was really exciting. we had a campfire and s’mores that night and hung out with them then.one thing i love about making friends at summer camp is that they haven’t heard any rumors about you that might taint your image, and even if it’s been a year since you’ve seen them, you can pick up right where you left off like no time has passed at all.

our friend emily wasn’t there, and i was a bit disappointed about that. apparently she didn’t want to miss one week of swim practice. hopefully she’ll be there next year.

izzy and i picked a tent that was a few yards away from the rest of newlon. we called it our hermit tent.

once our unpacking was done, izzy and i headed down to the lake for the swim test.

i’ll be honest. i’m not that great of a swimmer. i thought i was going to die when i did it last year. in order to pass, you have to swim 75 yd. of a forward stroke, 25 yd. of elementary backstroke, and then float for awhile. it was much easier this year, though. i’m not sure why.

after the swim test, we headed up to eagle plaza. that’s where they do the morning and dinner flag ceremonies and make announcements before every meal. the announcements were long and dull and it was always hot outside.

the meals were served cafeteria-style. you would find a seat in the dining hall, wait for your table to be dismissed, make a mad dash for the kitchen, and stand in a line as long as the building.

and now i will complain about the food.

the soda machine kept breaking. i actually ate salad while i was there. they served unidentifiable canned fruit for nearly every meal. the juices flooded the plate and made the sandwiches soggy. the only time they made an effort to keep the sandwiches dry was when the parents came for dinner on the last night, and they wrapped them in foil. they gave us chicken biscuits for breakfast one day, and to make it slightly different from the chicken sandwiches we had eaten for lunch the day before, we were given little packets of jelly. JELLY. ON CHICKEN.

after dinner, a silkscreening station was set up, so we could make our own camp t-shirts. i got my mom to do mine for me, so i didn’t have to stand in line with over ninety girls.

need to check the weather at camp, but don’t have internet access? no problem. the overstreet weather rock has got you covered. according to the wise, all-seeing rock, it poured the entire night and my mom marched us up to the dining hall at one in the morning so we wouldn’t get electrocuted in our tent.

izzy read part of a book to me that night: heap house (the iremonger trilogy) // edward carey. it’s one of the most bizarre books i’ve ever read, but i enjoyed it quite a lot.

dark. darker than any coal hole i’ve ever seen, so little light from the clouds above. and cold with it, colder than any winter day when your breath makes thick clouds and the puddles have all iced over and it hurts to touch metal and you’re huddling and shivering though you’ve put so many layers on and you think you’ll never ever get warm again. colder than that. and hopeless, without any hope at all. and the feeling of being dead. of being lost from everyone. buried alive deep down and no one to know it. and the feeling of uselessness, of being broken and alone. in the cold darkness. that’s how i felt.

i’ve been put out, i thought.

i’ve been snuffed out.

i’m not alight any longer.

« day two | monday »

the next morning, we woke up incredibly early, when it was still dark. if you want to shower while at camp, you need to get up and into one of the stalls before the rest of the girls wake up, or else you are out of luck. i remember that last year, you could spend twenty minutes sitting in the 7 a.m. chill while waiting for a stall to open up. it took forever for the campers to get ready because they liked talking to each other while showering.

the newlon side of the bathhouse had freezing water. it was warmer to stand outside in the rain than to get in those showers. that’s why i only showered twice the entire week. i’m good at hygiene.

after breakfast, we went to our first class, fishing. then to shooting sports. then search, survival, and rescue, and then lunch. (i’ll be talking about the badge classes in another post.) we had a few hours of free time after that, which izzy and i spent walking around camp and taking photos.

we found this millipede by the newlon campsite. i think it’s a polydesmida, but  i’m going to call it halloween.

there’s a bouldering wall that i’m actually quite good at. the most difficult bits are getting around the corners and this one stupid green fish handhold.

what a lovely face. 10/10.

lakeside trail.

to the waterfront.

we found this weird tree by the lake. it looks like a candy cane to me.

the dock in lake dillon.

where the boating equipment is stored. 

this thing is called the wet willie. it gives you a wedgie.

this is the iceberg. they didn’t have it set up last year. getting your legs out of the water and into a handhold was the hardest part, but after that, it’s a fairly easy climb to the top, where you slide down the other side.

boating.

i was really excited to see the jellyfish in the lake, but i didn’t get a chance to canoe or paddle board out to where they are. i guess it didn’t really matter, since no one at camp had seen the jellyfish this year. they must have died.

« day three | tuesday »

the next day was the dutch over cook-off. izzy and i made a brownie cherry cobbler, adapted from this recipe. we practiced making it at home before camp, and it took us over three hours that time, so we made sure to start cooking it early. there were a few dads who had volunteered to cook the desserts for everyone, but my mom insisted that we make it, so it wouldn’t get burned like last time. (last year, we made a disgusting s’mores concoction. it was so hot that it melted a judge’s plastic spoon.)

the cobbler finished cooking just after dinner had started. we grabbed some food at the dining hall before following everyone back to the campsites for the judging. there were seven cobblers, i think: ours; a s’mores thing; chocolate, strawberry, and graham crackers; peach, cinnamon, and blueberries; and a few others that i don’t remember.

a lot of girls mentioned that they liked ours the best, without knowing we had made it. our friends were convinced that we were going to win. they didn’t announce the winner until the campfire on friday night. it was the chocolate strawberry one, which i didn’t actually think was that great. it was too dry, and the strawberry tasted like those weird candies that you never buy but somehow have anyway.

we had a cinematography class that day after dinner. i liked it quite a lot — all that camera stuff is fascinating to me — but everyone else said it was a bit boring. izzy actually fell asleep.

☼

we’ll have to stop there, or else this will get way too long. but the next part is written and ready to go, so that will hopefully be up soon. and if you want to read about my camp experience from last year, click here.

have any of you been to a camp this summer? if you did, i’d love to hear your stories in the comments. :)

xo

loren

// 8•19•17 | county fair //

i was able to go to the fair with a few of my friends last saturday (k, b, and two who i’ve never talked about before: emily and adam). summer has come to a close, school started yesterday for me, and my best friends and i aren’t going to the same co-op anymore. it felt like a last hurrah. a toast to summer and all-nighters and lost loves. the happy ending to the chapter where we saw each other every friday. it was exciting and sad.

i met up with my friends in the barn with the poultry and rabbits. then we explored the art exhibit. we stood in line for about twenty minutes just to buy tickets for the rides. adam let a young woman cut in front of us because she offered him five dollars.

adam is quite weird. he kept bumping into us and trying to push us in front of oncoming golf carts. he got slapped often that night. i don’t feel bad for him.

we were going to fight each other — brawl right there in the middle of the street. i was pretty confident that i could beat him, but k and emily wouldn’t let us. they’re no fun.

fair food is greasy and too sweet and exactly the kind of thing to enjoy with friends. k and i shared a funnel cake.

zero gravity ride.

it’s not blurry, it’s aesthetic.

round and round like a horse on a carousel, we go. will i ever catch up to love? i could never tell. (carousel // melanie martinez)

the typhoon is my favorite ride at the fair. i didn’t get to go on it this time, though.

i kept trying to sneak pictures of my friends. k and adam got pretty ticked at me. :)

b had to leave before too long, which was a bit disappointing. we missed you, my dear.

the only ride we went on was the ferris wheel. we waited in line for about half an hour. it wasn’t that bad, really. we made fun of my friend’s deadbeat boyfriend who bailed on her, complained about the line a lot, etc. adam had a soda and was threatening to pour it on my head. i dared him to, because i would have been able to slap him for it without getting in trouble. but he was actually decent enough not to dump the soda on me (shocking!!).

cotton candy clouds.

the top of a ferris wheel at twilight is a sweet, romantic place, right? k was hoping to ruin someone’s date, so she started singing “i hate you, i love you, i hate that i want you” at the top of her lungs.

sitting at the top of a ferris wheel makes me feel like i am part of something bigger. lights on the ground, lights in the sky, lights in my friends’ eyes. the people buzzing about on the earth appear as we really are: tiny. there’s a breeze lifting the damp hair off my neck and i can hear music and laughter from below. this must be what it feels like to be infinite.

on a fault line, late night
underneath the stars we came alive
and singing to the sky just felt right
i won’t forget the good times

while the punks started picking fights
with the skater kids under city lights
remember how we laughed till we cried
i won’t forget the good times

i never want to leave this sunset town
but one day the time may come
and i’ll take you at your word
and carry on

i’ll hate the goodbye
but i won’t forget the good times

good times // all time low

xo

loren

// emerald isle travel diary | pt. two //

hello, my friends!

it is hot as heck today. i spent the morning with my friend izzy, and we decided to use the sun to our advantage. so we went outside and burned stuff with a magnifying glass: ants, flowers, leaves, cat hair, our legs. (friCK, it hurt).

anyway! here’s the second — and final — part of my emerald isle travel diary. :) (read the first part here.)

☼

« day four »

another night without much sleep! how fun. it’s turning into a habit.

we went to the pine knolls aquarium this morning. there were some normal stuff, like frogs and otters and freshwater fish. but there were also a few sharks, as well as lion fish, jellyfish, pipefish, and sea horses. the whole thing took us about two hours.

once we had been at the beach house for awhile, my parents went to check out a fishing shop. c and i sat on the porch and he insulted my friends again while i played ukulele. (believe // yellowcard and adam’s song // blink-182 are easy songs.)

i convinced c to go on a walk with me. we went in the opposite direction that i explored last night. it was really humid and hot and kind of gross and the wind kept blowing my hair into my face. but we saw a dog and some pretty beach houses and i picked flowers, so it was alright.

for dinner, we went to a restaurant named port of calls, which was right up against the water of the inland side of emerald isle. it was raining the whole time we ate, but it was rather nice anyway, because i got to watch the waves and the storm clouds and the rain drumming against the windows. the restaurant served seafood, which i’m not too fond of. so i got something called “buried treasure,” which turned out to be an enormous plate of potatoes, covered in cheese and bacon and tomatoes and sour cream. it was pretty good, but there was so much of it.

oh, and while we were eating, i figured out the names of my future pets: the dog will be named turtle, and i’ll have two turtles, who will be called dribble and billie joe armstrong.

my dad went fishing down at the beach after dark. c and i went to watch after our mom told us he had caught sharks. while we were waiting for him to catch something, we got in the water, even though the sea feels like a creature waiting to pounce when it’s nighttime. the water was creamy and warm and i wanted nothing more than to slip under the gentle waves and swim and swim and not come back.

 my dad did catch another shark while we were down there. it was slightly shorter than my forearm and it wriggled a lot and it felt like cold sandpaper.

« day five »

i didn’t sleep much again. what a surprise.

i woke up at eleven because there were noises in the house. the bathroom sink is leaking, so i guess there’s a plumber here to fix it. but he’s being extremely loud and he’s right outside my door.

i’m ready to go home. i feel like i can’t hear my own thoughts out here. i need to hide in my loft bed at home with the soft blankets and the fairy lights and not come out until the summer is over. we’ll leave on sunday morning, so i have to get through three days before i’m home again. that sounds really hard and i want to cry and sleep the rest of this trip away.

a few good songs:

long lost feeling // blink-182

if it means a lot to you // a day to remember

miserable at best // mayday parade

jamie all over // mayday parade

we walked along the pier and watched the fishermen lined up against the railing. people had carved hearts and their names and phone numbers into the wood. you’d think that couples would be able to come up with something more romantic than their initials inside a crudely drawn heart. if i were going to scratch something into a railing, i think it would just be the word lovely. 

we checked out one of the touristy shops by the beach. i don’t remember what it was called. there were tons of t-shirts and swimsuits and beach towels. the only thing i actually liked were the lifeguard tees. but i think it would be weird to wear something like that if you had never been a lifeguard. it sounds like a fun job to have, though. to me, one of the coolest things you can do is save someone, or at least be willing to. i’d like to be a lifeguard someday.

we went to watch spider-man: homecoming at a tiny movie theater called cinema 4. i have always adored spider-man, and the new actor made me like him even more. my mom and brother kept telling me how similar i am to one of the characters, michelle. i’ll take that as a compliment.

« day six »

would you believe me if i told you that i actually got enough sleep last night? yeah, i didn’t think so. nights are hard, my friends.

old microwaved pancakes are good for breakfast. i bet that when i move out, i could make one batch of pancakes and live off of it for a week.

my mom took my brother and me back to the aquarium. there were two trails there that led to the sound, and we hiked one of them. it wasn’t very long, only 1.2 miles. but there were so many awful mosquitoes. don’t even think about hiking here without lots of bug spray. it would have been a disappointing outing if it weren’t for the crabs. they were all along the marshy parts, with their holes beside the trail and claws littering the ground. and there were huge clusters of them on the sandy area of the sound.

we stopped by a little shop called homer’s point on the way home to pick up seafood for dinner. we still have some frozen food at the beach house, and i can have that instead of scallops.

my dad and i both really want to go home. we managed to convince my mom to let us leave a day early. :D so we’ll be going home sometime tomorrow (saturday) instead of sunday.

pro tip: don’t listen to three green day albums right before going to bed. you will be too hyped to sleep and you’ll want to run through the streets at night and kiss pretty people and overthrow the government and rule the world.

there was an insane storm tonight, and i was awake until four, drawing and watching the lightning. it lit up the sky more than the fireworks i’d seen a few nights ago a in the beach. and it wasn’t like there was one strike every few minutes. this was a constant light show. some of the lightning was red and it slithered from cloud to cloud. the strange part was that it wasn’t raining here at all.

« day seven »

i got up before noon today (i deserve an award, honestly) and packed all my stuff up. we left at 10:30. i’m in the car now and i have a feeling that this will be a very boring six hours. it’s rather hard to draw or write in a car, so that leaves me with reading to pass the time. this would be more bearable if i had music.

i had a dream that i kissed your lips, and it felt so true. then i woke up as a nervous wreck and i fell for you. (fell for you // green day)

apparently we’ve already been driving for an hour? it doesn’t feel like it. maybe this won’t be as awful as i anticipated. (i’ll probably look back at this in five hours and start laughing, and then i’ll cry.)

i thought we were getting close, but we actually have about three and a half hours to go. sigh. i would write down some of my thoughts, but the only thing in my head right now is basket case // green day on repeat.

x

SOMETIMES MY MIND PLAYS TRICKS ON ME. IT ALL KEEPS ADDING UP. I THINK I’M CRACKING UP. AM I PARANOID? OR AM I JUST STONED?

we stopped for lunch, and lo and behold, there was a chick-fil-a. sadly, we didn’t get a free milkshake like last time, but it was still pretty good.

make sure you stay hydrated, kids. if you want some water, but you think it’s too much work to get up and find a drink, DO IT ANYWAY. if not, i will come to your house and lick you all over, and believe me, no one wants that. just looking out for your health, my loves. :)

the last time i remember driving through the mountains for a long time was in february, when i went away for the weekend with n. there was a girl in the van who got really sick after just a couple of minutes. i’m glad that no one in my family gets very carsick. i never know what to do when someone is feeling ill. reason #74925390 why i would be a bad parent.

 

my brother is snoring next to me. it sounds like when you have a cold and your nose is all clogged up. you guys can laugh at this picture of him, since you seem to enjoy dumb things.

we should be getting close to home, but i don’t think i recognize anything. maybe that’s because pockets of trees and golden fields crisscrossed with fences are everywhere here.

wait. apparently we’re on the road that goes right by the high school. i’m so confused. how can i not remember any of this? not being able to trust your own memory is a scary feeling, because what if the best ones, the ones you fall back on to escape when things are too hard — what if the version you’re clinging to isn’t how it really happened?

i don’t know where i am and i’m wondering if my most important memories are lies, but there are flowers along the road, so everything will be ok.

scratchy rock music playing on the radio is kind of comforting.

COWS.

my favorite things about my hometown are the wildflowers that grow in the median, and the christian music stations that remind me of my brother’s old friend, and the rundown stores along the highway that are owned by the locals, where time stops moving and all you can think about is the too-cold air conditioning and the smell of cigarettes and the moisture on the cooler doors and the colored specks in the tiles and the taste of freezer burn on the ice cream.

i know where we are now. we just got out of the state park that’s filled with waterfalls and trees with faerie houses in them. i’m still confused as to why i saw the road sign that’s supposed to be next to the high school. maybe there are two roads named that in this state (unlikely)? maybe i can’t trust my memory. i don’t know.

my mom said we would home at 5:17, but it’s 5:19 and we’re not there. lying to your family. what a monstrous thing to do. (also, i’m about to run out of battery, help.)

I NEED TO GO TO THE BAAATHROOOOM, BUT IT’S A MUUUSICAAAAL.

hello, post office! hello, town hall! hello, housing development! hello, bumblebee car! hello, my hill! hello, my house! hello, my kitten!

☼

xo

loren

// emerald isle travel diary | pt. one //

hello, my friends. i have just returned from vacation in emerald isle, nc. :) i did a travel diary, of course. they help me remember what i did and how i felt, and if i don’t write it down, it will start to fade from my memory in a matter of days.

i was there for nearly a week, and if i put all the days in one post, it would be 3k+ words long. i don’t want to do that to you, so i’ve split it up into two parts. enjoy reading about the first three days of my trip.

☼

« day one »

i have this bad habit of waiting until the last minute to begin packing for a trip. i usually start an hour before we go, maybe less if it’s a weekend trip. but this time, i actually started the night before we left. *appluause* granted, i finished packing a few minutes before we needed to leave, but it’s still improvement, i guess?

it was a six hour drive, stuck in our tiny car with three other people. bags were piled on the half-sized seat between me and my brother, and crammed onto the shelf below the back window. we didn’t have much room, is what i’m trying to say. to entertain myself, i read the tail of emily windsnap by liz kessler, played mario kart 7 with my brother (we’ll be calling him c), strummed on the ukulele at odd moments just to annoy him, stared at all the very interesting trees and rows of corn out the window, etc. we stopped twice, i think, one for food (it was supposed to be fast food, but it really truly was not) and one for gas.

i realized we were getting close when i started seeing all the pine trees with the really tall, bare trunks. the trees we have at home are mostly maples and oaks, and the pines don’t look like the ones in north carolina.

^^ the view from the bridge to the island.

the drive down here was really boring!! let’s leave it at that.

i love all the palm trees and pastel houses that you find at the beach, and i was hoping that ours would be a pretty color. but, no, it’s this weird teal color with sort of orange-y wood on the deck. it’s not awful to look at, but the pastel beach houses are so much lovelier. at least we’re really close to the ocean. there’s only one row of houses between us and the beach, and i can listen to the waves while i’m falling asleep.

after we dragged all our bags inside and claimed rooms (i called the one with the light blue walls and a balcony that faces the ocean, but my parents overruled me, so i got the tiniest one, with a very green bedspread), i convinced my mom and brother to go to the beach with me for awhile. my mom has been freaking out about the riptides here, so she didn’t let us swim out very far. that outing will be remembered as “loren and c drink saltwater for twenty minutes,” or “the sea hates loren’s bikini.”

once we came back and showered, we played “sorry” (spoiler alert: i won) and watched doctor who. originally, we were going to play something called “green eggs and ham,” based on the dr. seuss book, but apparently you needed to play with an adult, and both parents refused.

we basically had skittles and peanut butter m&ms for dinner. i unpacked and went to bed right after that, because i thought i would be tired, but my brain hates me and would not shut up. thanks, brain. :) i wrote poetry and listened to music until nearly two in the morning.

« day two »

guess who slept in until after ten and felt absolutely dead?? me!! i eventually got up and showered and went to the grocery store with my dad. i only volunteer to get groceries when i’m on vacation, because my mom always makes my dad do the shopping and it’s pretty easy to convince him to get unhealthy stuff. we got lemon bread, cinnamon rolls, mini donuts, three bottles of soda, ice cream, two kinds of ice cream sandwiches, two packages of cookie dough, pizzas and french fries and onion rings and other stuff my mom would not have gotten.

observation: time doesn’t exist in grocery stores.

we went to the beach after lunch. c and i swallowed lots of saltwater, got some of it in our eyes, insulted each other’s friends, and tried to ride the waves without bodyboards or surfboards. he was complaining about how pale he is, so i gestured at myself (i practically glow) and shouted, “the beacons are lit! gondor calls for aid!” he thought it was hilarious and accidentally got some of the water in his mouth while he was laughing.

we’ve been chilling back in our beach house for a few hours. c let me play a game called fantasy life on his ds, and i’ve been force feeding him my music while he plays breath of the wild. i made a playlist of some songs with summer vibes, and i’ll try to post that soon.

we have a vacation traditon where my dad buys refrigerated chocolate chip cookie dough and makes it for us every night, so we can eat them while we watch a movie. we watched the lake house, this weird romance with a wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey mailbox.

i sat on the floor for awhile after the movie finished and played the ukulele. i can play a few songs:

northern downpour // panic! at the disco

can’t help falling in love // twenty one pilots (cover)

march to the sea // twenty one pilots

stomach tied in knots // sleeping with sirens

house of gold // twenty one pilots

« day three »

i didn’t sleep well last night, either. i was awake until after 3 a.m, so i started reading all the bright places by jennifer niven, and listened to the atlas album by sleeping at last.

we went to play mini golf right after i woke up, at a place called lost treasure golf & raceway. it was really humid and kind of awful. i won, but only by one point, i believe.

i think the universe is tired of my existence, so it sent me on this trip to try and annihilate me.

i sat outside on the railing for a long time and played the ukulele. there was a lovely breeze, and i looked at the sea and pastel houses while i played whichever songs felt right. i would have liked to sit there forever and slip away into the music, not thinking about anything except for where to put my fingers next.

this is the dinner that my father and i made possible, having braved one of an introvert’s greatest fears: crowded public places. truly, we are the heroes of this family.

once i finished eating, i grabbed the camera and stole out of the house. i walked on the beach for a bit, then set off down the road and took in all the colors and plants and lights and music and laughter. i was gone for close to an hour, and it was quite serene. there were hints of orange and pink in the sky, it was warm without being suffocating, and i got to walk and walk and almost slip out of reality for a bit. all i had to do was keep breathing and thinking and moving forward and it was the most relaxed i’ve been in a very long time. and i got an idea for a story, which is exciting in itself, but even more so when you understand that i haven’t touched any of my stories since last autumn. it felt like the creative part of my mind, the i have so so so much to say about everything part, dug itself out from under the sand while i was out there in the twilight.

oh, yeah, so it’s independence day. i’m going to play fourth of july // fall out boy on repeat until it’s stuck in my family’s heads forever.

there were lots of fireworks going off on the beach. c and i watched them from the balcony for awhile, and then we headed to the ocean to get a better view. i tried to get pictures of the fireworks, and i think a few turned out ok.

☼

i took a lot of pictures on this trip — like, a lot. i’m trying to sprinkle them into the travel diary, but there are going to be lots that don’t fit anywhere. so you can expect a photo dump soon. :)

also. 650 followers. i had 600 at the beginning of june, so that means fifty lovely humans found my blog and decided to stay in just a month. that blows my mind. thanks, kiddos. love you.

xo

loren