// the last day //

yesterday was the last day of co-op. i’ve got a lot of feelings about this, so i’m putting them on the internet, to be read by people who don’t care.

i’ve been in this co-op since i was three. every friday for nearly my whole life, i would show up at the church and have classes with a bunch of other homeschool kids. now i’m too old for the co-op, and i’m never going to spend another friday with my classmates again.

there are a lot of things i’m not going to miss: waking up early, doing p.e. in the cold, getting hunger pains because i forgot breakfast, the overwhelming feeling of being with people for hours. but i am going to miss trading notes during class and laughing over dumb jokes and squeezing my friends into the car so we can hang out after co-op. and i’ll miss seeing those people every week. they’ve been part of my life for so long, and now they’re gone.

“you never know what you have until you lose it.”

i’m glad that the co-op decided to make yearbooks. i want to remember these people.

on the back: “you’re smart, funny, sweet, dear, amazing, cool, talented, kind, helpful, honest, ship crazy, and the best friend in the world. i love you so much and i never want to lose you. ♥ -kelsie ♥” (aka pup)

one of my teachers made us write our name on a piece of paper and pass it around the table. everyone had to write something nice on it. i’m a rather sentimental person, so believe me when i say that i am never getting rid of this paper.

i want to write a note to everyone who has been in my class — even the ones who are gone, but who i’ve never forgotten. i don’t forget people. and sometimes that hurts, because they forget me.

so, anyway. here i go.

dear d,

ew.

dear s,

thanks for introducing me to people when i was the new kid.

dear m,

remember that time you cracked your head against the wall and had to get stitches? the blood spots are still there. that’s your legacy.

dear j,

i never knew you very well. you were the smart girl with all the answers, and i was the quiet one who shook whenever the teacher asked me a question.

dear i,

i haven’t seen you in awhile. i don’t really expect to ever see you again. but we had a good couple of years.

dear s,

people still ship us. i’m not sure why, because i never even liked you. but i’ve been called loren breen many, many times.

dear h,

i kind of regret never getting to know you. all i really remember about you is that you liked horses, and you’re cousins with N, and you’re a good soccer player, and you look nice in lavender.

dear N,

i told you that i would fight the universe to be with you again. i’m always willing to fight, and this should actually be a challenge. but it will be worth it, in the end.

i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i’m sorry.

dear h,

you’re always going to be remembered by the video where t is humming uptown funk and you burst in with “sweet home alabama!”

dear t,

i tried to draw you in art class, and it ended up looking like troye sivan.

you’re a jerk, by the way. i’ve come very close to punching you on multiple occasions. it’s fine that you hate me, but you’ve got to stop making fun of the people that i love.

dear j,

idk. sorry for shipping you with h, i guess. i’m not sorry, actually, joward is my otp.

dear h,

you’re kind of a nerd, but i am, too, so it’s cool. you’re pretty popular with the mom crowd — my friends’ parents are always talking about how polite and smart and handsome you are.

p.s. joward ♥

dear m,

remember walking on the roofs? jumping down into the corn silo? the water gun fights?

you’re an amazing artist, photographer, and blogger, and you’ve inspired me to try to become better at those things.

dear t,

you seem to make k happy, so i guess you’re alright. but if you hurt her, i will end you. :)

dear q,

*batman voice* the dark dealer.

thanks for those lessons in video gaming, and the soccer game that was us vs everyone else — and we still managed to win. you’ve always kind of felt like a big brother, because you tease me a lot, but you’re still pretty nice to me.

dear b (den mother),

i think i could have helped you more if i had gotten over the fear of showing you how broken i am.

things will get better, my love. i promise.

dear k (pup),

sunshine girl. :D

 my favorite classes over ten years:

  • shakespeare
  • art
  • cultures
  • mini-society

random moments that have stuck with me:

  • getting first place at the gem fair
  • giving sour cream oreos to N
  • playing statue
  • finding a dead rabbit while running laps
  • when t asked who i liked
  • forming the cannibal murder club with q
  • getting the lead role in the musical
  • doing the great race with pup
  • the multiple pizza parties in public speaking class
  • teaching the class how to play “drug dealer”
  • “the murder of q king” skit
  • the pet mealworms
  • when j ate an entire pizza
  • making those huge, creepy skeletons in body class
  • delivering valentines in kindergarten
  • racing q in p.e.
  • improv
  • when q broke math
  • trading notebooks with pup, den mother, and izzy
  • watching N draw
  • the day we all wore flannel
  • the murder mystery
  • “take out the trash, pup.” “ok, where do you want to go?”
  • epic dodging skills in japanese dodgeball
  • when N got third in a dodgeball championship by using his jacket as a whip, and i got second

i could keep going, but this post is getting long enough already, and you guys are probably getting bored by my nostalgic lists.

if it weren’t for this co-op, i never would have met den mother, or pup, or megan, or N. so thank you for that, co-op.

thanks for the memories, even though they weren’t so great (thnks fr th mmrs // fall out boy).

xo

loren

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71 thoughts on “// the last day //

  1. McKenna Erb says:

    Hahahaha i remember the sour cream oreos. N continued to eat them even tho i tried one and they were nasty XD I’m pretty sure my brother still has one of those creepy skeletons somewhere in the house. Even tho i didn’t go to co-op as long as you, I also met some amazing people through it and wish the years didn’t go by so fast. I also wish i had the chance to get to know you more while i was still attending. You seem like an amazing person :) i’m glad you had a great experience.

    Like

    • Loren says:

      he thought they were pretty good, apparently. he’s kind of a dork. i think i saved my skeleton, too — i’ll probably find it in the attic some day and freak out. i always wanted to talk to you, but i’m pretty shy and i don’t really know how to make friends. sometimes bethany brings me to events at her church, so hopefully i’ll be able to see you again sometime. :)

      Like

  2. Simply Megan Joy says:

    Sounds like you guys have a lot of memories for later!
    To ease the pain of this happy group splitting in different ways, remember that you guys can always have class reunions! You could have a yearly party – or tell everyone in the class that you’re all going out for ice-cream, or going mini golfing on “this date.”
    Also, for you Loren – is it possible for you to teach a class at co-op? You could teach about art, blogging, or whatever you want! That way you’d still be going there. Just a suggestion!
    – Megan Joy

    Like

    • Loren says:

      two of my friends are already planning a class reunion, so if that works out, then i’ll get to see everyone again. it won’t be quite the same, but i’m still hoping that works out.

      at the co-op, the moms teach the classes, so i wouldn’t be able to teach anything unless i have kids and put them in that co-op — which wouldn’t be for a very long time. but that’s a good idea, and if i ever get a chance to teach a class there, blogging sounds like a topic i could do.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. McKenna Erb says:

    I’m really sorry if i was ever a jerk to you my last year, Loren. I was hanging around the wrong person all year and it probably kept me from a lot of great relationships with amazing people. I know i can’t really make excuses, but i just wanted to apologize. I regret the way i treated some people that year.

    Like

  4. McKenna Erb says:

    He is a dork XD and don’t worry i’m not good at making friends either, but it would be super cool to see you again. We’ll just be two emos that can bond over music taste.

    Like

          • McKenna Erb says:

            Hahahaha really? 😂 I saw those pictures of him in your mom’s wedding dress. He’s gorgeous. And thank you so much :) I really don’t think I am but insecurities and life will do that to you. But you really are, both inside and out.

            Like

            • Loren says:

              cole just told me that most people think he’s gorgeous all the time. XD i guess it’s pretty hard to believe people when they say that you’re beautiful, but i mean it. i always really liked your hair, especially. and thank you. :)

              Like

              • McKenna Erb says:

                It’s hard having curls I’ll tell you that. I flat iron it a lot now but sometimes on special occasions (which please my mother) I’ll wear it down. But I’ll usually end up just stuffing it up in a mega messy bun. But thank you :)

                Like

                • Loren says:

                  i’ve always really loved curly hair, though i’m sure it is hard to manage. i would curl my hair, but i don’t have the patience and i probably shouldn’t be trusted with hot objects.

                  Like

                  • McKenna Erb says:

                    I really like your hair tho. It’s like right in between curly and straight but more towards the straight side, which has always seemed perfect to me. Not a day goes by that i don’t wish mine was not curly XD it’s a handful

                    Like

  5. Megan (A Barefoot Gal) says:

    It’s strange that I’ll never go to co-op again. And I kinda agree with you on d… I can place everyone with their initials except for the first s.
    The day the GSOGN won first in GEM fair was indeed a great day. And I recall eating the spaghetti when doing the great race with h. I’m sad I missed last grade, but so happy I could do co-op in the last year. We should have a class reunion when we’re all old and gray. Or… maybe not.
    ~Megan~
    P.S. The roofs, corn silo, and water gun fights were great. :) Thank you for your note (both the real one and the one here).

    Like

    • Loren says:

      yeah, it definitely is. and “ew” was the only thing I could think of for d, because i really didn’t like him that much. i’m really glad that you joined co-op again — you pretty much did the entire newspaper by yourself. sorry, the rest of us weren’t that helpful. a class reunion sounds fun, though we should probably do it while we still have our youth. ;)

      -loren

      p.s. you’re welcome! :)

      Like

  6. Rutvi says:

    Great post, I really liked reading all of these, it reminds me of when my Girl Scout troop split. I was sad, but I’ve made so many great memories with them. 💙

    Btw, you have 552 followers?!?! WHAT?! Congratulations! You deserve all of them and more.

    Like

  7. Rebekah says:

    Aww, this makes me sad reading this. I totally understand. I’m not going to go to my co-op after next year (I’m going to school) and I already miss everyone even though we have four more classes together. I might do this post for myself. I totally get how you feel.

    Liked by 1 person

          • McKenna Erb says:

            EXACTLY. you should see half my textbooks and worksheets. they’re covered in the most random drawings and doodles XD

            Like

            • McKenna Erb says:

              i also procrastinate. (so much it’s probably unhealthy) for example, I have a 600 essay due on Tuesday that I had Wed. Thur. and Fri. last week to work on and decided it could wait until Monday. (I know, not smart.) (at all)

              Like

  8. Geeky_Girl says:

    Aww that’s so sad it was your last day. I do a co-op but we go all the way up to 12th grade. :) I like to keep sentimental things like your note too.
    -Geeky_Girl <3

    Like

  9. Allison says:

    Wow, this was such a lovely post. ♥ And sad… *Sniff* Wait, so you’re not going to HSSG? You know, you don’t HAVE to be too old for co-op, because I’m not. ;) Anyway, yes, I really enjoyed co-op too, and this will also probably be my last year as well. *Sigh*

    Like

    • Loren says:

      thanks. :) nope, i’ll be going to public school part time — it’ll be quite the adventure. well, at least you have many years of good memories at the co-op.

      Like

  10. wpbeppy says:

    Awww Loren! I love your blog so much im literly going through and reading every post! <3 i love you so much and am so glad to have become so close to you. (you did help me more then you relize) I love you sooo much serouiusily. Never forget me, cuz i know i wont forget you… ever.

    Like

  11. writeowl says:

    This was so great. Now you’re making me feel nostalgic about my co-op and I’ll still be there for a little bit!

    I especially loved that quote ‘I told you that I would fight the universe so that I could see you again’ or something like that. Beautiful. I loved reading this and getting a glimpse into some of your amazing experiences. <3

    Like

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